How's your depression?


Safer, yes, but not neccesarily more happy. I’m going back to the UK for a couple weeks soon which will be… interesting?


it’s funny, being depressed again after years of mostly suffering from anxiety issues. almost like an old friend.

anxiety isn’t sympathetic. anxiety ravages you, hurts you. in its current form, what I’m feeling, it’s just like I’m perpetually sinking. I’d rather be happy, but if life must be torture, this will do.


I mean, I’m thinking a lot that I don’t want to be alive, but that’s something I’d never be able to do.


TW: suicide, self harm

Went through a phase last year of regularly cutting my wrists. Each time as soon as I’d done it I realised the actual potential consequences and had to get an ambo/taxi to hospital to get stitched up. Fortunately after a few attempts was put under the home treatment team who then visited me every day for a few months to make sure I was ok and not going to try again that day. I still think about it occasionally and although I don’t want to anymore, I find knowing that i could do it if I needed to quite comforting

Have you talked to anyone close to you about these thoughts? I know that’s very upsetting for them, but apparently it can be really helpful. I’d recommend looking up crisis services in your area too, just so that you know where to seek help if things do become worse. I’m sorry I can’t offer any more helpful advice but I know how you feel and how shitty it is ({) x


I’m going to be blunt. I don’t think I can continue feeling like I do


Thank you so much fo sharing. I will DM you x


I have a lovely spare room at home if you want a place to crash away from things. Quiet place away from things with loads of places nearby for nice walks as well as enough space in the house for you to have your own space.
You’re welcome anytime.


thanks :slight_smile:

If I were to go anywhere, I guess it would be my parents, but we will see!


Don’t mention it. You’re under no obligation to take me up on it - just want you to know it’s there.


I really haven’t got much more to give.

I knew this is how things would go, but I thought I might find something before I ran out of heart completely. some kind of fulfillment.

unless something miraculous happens, I’m done. and I don’t know what I can do, then. I can’t go on without medication, if I do go on medication again, I’ll just be denying myself the last of whatever capacity I have left to feel good.

and I’m scared of death. plus that’s just denying yourself everything, forever, taking your own life.


I think I really have to try and live and find pleasure in things, I can’t give up. because it’ll just get worse, won’t it? it’ll make it even harder to feel anything good.


Watch some wrestling, it seems to help me x


I’m not currently depressed but I’m worried that I might be about to slip into a bout of depression if I’m not careful.

I live in the middle of nowhere, I can’t drive, and I’ve constantly got cabin fever. I need to get a job, basically, or else I’ll go mad. But fuck me, it’s not easy or obvious. No idea where to start, or what I want to even fecking do. I find it weird how people just know what they want to do, when there’s like a million different types of jobs. You always hear about people who say they did this and that, and how they regretted it years later and wish they did something else instead. How are you supposed to know that you won’t regret your choices later though?

Also I recently had my CV reviewed online anonymously, and was told that it’s basically shit. :tired_face:


I also have this issue, however I think the counter-argument to regretting your choices etc is that you can’t do everything so you just have to try stuff and see how it goes. If it’s not working, do something else!


I seem to be finding it really hard to articulate responses on this thread recently. Just wanted to say that I hope those of you under the cloud at the moment find some respite soon. Keep going.


It’s true, you don’t know if you’ll end up regretting something, but even if you do end up regretting it, that’s not always the worst thing in the world. I hated my first job, but I wouldn’t be where I am without it. It sounds like you need to take the plunge and find something - anything - for a change of pace, because at least it’s a starting point. Even if it’s not right, you’ll soon discover that, and it will narrow down what you do want to do. I know very few people who felt some vocation and have pursued it their whole lives. Most people just have to feel it out as they go.


I really need to lose weight, my body is getting me so down atm (amongst various other things)


yesterday i went to see a doctor here in the states (at eye-watering out-of-pocket expense) and i have to say it was the best appointment i have ever had. two and a half hours! so much detail. the doctor prescribed me cariprazine. it looks pretty new - does anyone have any experience of it?

i’m also having a general life crisis - i changed career last year and although i enjoy what i do now and the flexibility and the opportunity to take a lot of time off, i know it’s not totally sustainable in the long term in terms of money. should i go back to what i was doing? i didn’t hate it, i just hated the office and the atmosphere. should i move city again? there’s an opportunity for me to move almost anywhere in europe, and even to the usa if i really want to. should i grasp it? i don’t particularly like where i live now but it’s not terrible. nothing in my life is terrible, actually, i’m just having a crisis and looking for someone else to make decisions for me. probably isn’t the place to say nothing in my life is terrible, huh?

keep passing the open windows, pals. xxx


Does anyone get that weird feeling when a depressive episode seems to be on the way of almost looking forward to it?

What with my office move, and all the disruption of my routines this week I can definitely feel a small ripple of sadness creeping in, but the thing that worries me a bit about it is that I feel like I’m almost looking forward to wallowing in it, rather than looking out for ways to head it off and deal with it.

Hope this passes. Off to look at some ducks at lunch.


It’s that familiarity of the behavioural loop isn’t it? Especially if you’ve got a lot of disruptions in your life - it can be almost a comfort.