Really sad that I’m never going to meet anyone
How can you be so sure, Bam?
Just saw this, hope you’re okay. Update?
oh just because I never go anywhere and I’m kinda damaged.
We’re all, absolutely all damaged - it’s one of the things that attracts us to each other! And you don’t need to go anywhere to meet people. Seriously, all the things you consider barriers will not hinder the right person coming along. Don’t be disheartened.
bless you for trying to cheer me up!
It doesn’t really matter x
Oh yeah sure, sorry.
Kind of forgot I posted this, to begin with.
Basically last Thursday my mood plummeted at an alarming rate, completely uncontrollable, got sent home from work and they contacted my mother to make sure I made it home safe. I soon recovered but had to spend the next couple of days with family members. Have been put onto Sertraline and other thank feeling foggy headed and nauseous haven’t had any negative side effects or increased anxiety/depression.
I agree with what @Cervantes says…what you described don’t have to be barriers to meeting people. Maybe you have other reasons for using those barriers, but if you did want to meet someone you give plenty of evidence here of how much of a loving/supportive partner you could be.
Yeah I just saw your message and thought “that was a few days ago now”. Glad to hear you’re doing better but that sounds tough, sertraline isn’t my favourite stuff but if you’ve just got minor side effects it must be a good sign. Don’t know about you but the thought of EOTR has got me through tough weeks recently…to the point where I’ve planned it pretty excessively!
Having one of those weeks where I just feel like not even a person.
Dunno how i haven’t started crying at work yet . tightness in my chest when I arrive every day cos I feel like a total liability. be nice to me
try to be kind and forgiving to yourself, you will feel better again soon!
Everyone here thinks your great so that’s hopefully some solace for you x
I think I get this sometimes, knowing that it’s on the way (but I absolutely don’t look forward to it).
I get extremely depressed over the slightest bit of news sometimes. Even if it sounds incredibly minor to everyone else, I’ll spend days or sometimes weeks where I’m in a complete rut and I feel like shit about it. Even if 99% of everything else in my life is fine, that one little unpleasant detail, or specific piece of news I didn’t want to know, ruins my mood completely for a while, makes me unable to enjoy or appreciate anything.
I’m currently sort of going through one of those things now (and am subsequently staying up late drinking beer), but I should be fine about it in a few days once I’ve got used to it and rationalised it to myself.
It’s the inevitability of it I don’t like, always knowing I’m constantly going to re-enter this state of mind in the future, as I experience it several times a year, every year. Because I’m so used to it happening, it’s almost like I’ve become skilled at knowing when the depression is coming, and then calculating how long it’s going to take for me to get over the thing I’m depressed about.
not much help to alleviate the symptoms you’re feeling but we are all rooting for you and know how wonderful you are!
yeah I can get that a bit sometimes, like one little thing can set the mood for 2 days. someone at work spotted a typo in something I had spent quite a while editing the other day and asked me to correct it. I felt (totally unreasonably) embarrassed, exposed, a fraud, questioning everything about myself, a failure, that the (absolutely lovely) person who asked didn’t like me, that people were talking about how crap I am at my job etc. just need to fight that sort of thing.
If I could get just have five fucking minutes without a constant stream of negative thoughts, that would be great.
At least I’m sleeping alright.
I’m just thinking right now about how much I projected with this person I like (liked?). it’s all kind of crumbling in my mind, falling like cardboard scenery.
I think I read something earlier this year about how much of the way we naturally relate to others is bound up in projection? life is so lonely, when it all breaks down in your mind, all these illusions that form our relationships.
I mean, when you find yourself there, right at the invisible, unbreachable barriers between your mind and the mind of another, and truly feel that you will only ever be alone.
and beyond that, when you consider what a mind really is, what a person is, just a collection of senses, memories. something far less cohesive or coherent than it ever seemed, something unknowable even to the sentience that presides over this collection of impulses.
life is so utterly, impossibly lonely, when your mind breaks it all down.
it felt so good to project, to feel some real grounds for opening up my heart. but it looks certain to lead nowhere. and it seems absurd to expect it ever to happen, really.
it feels like the search for truth and understanding is just… I mean, there have been moments where it all seemed to come together. those moments of revelation, the beauty of coherence?
they feel so rare now. it feels fruitless. to understand, to be understood, to really share, to really coexist?
I feel like I’m holding the pieces of my mind and my life in my hands, dry and loose.