How's your depression?


#1186

you’ve actually been weirdly poetic here

hope you’re feeling a little less lonely today :hugs:


#1187

thanks wiggy

it was a weird moment, just everything like I tried to describe, all… incongruous? I guess you might say dissociative? one of those existential moments where you feel exposed to the the glittering blackness of space.

it’s like, there’s one person in all the world who I just want to talk to, in person preferably, and I can’t, and I was doubting if anything I saw or felt was there at all.

right now, I just wish I could have a drink with them and just talk about anything.

it’s sad, because my friends have been very available to me in the last few weeks, all asking if I want to go for a drink and talk, and I wish I was capable of appreciating them. but this one person felt like the key to me opening my heart to other people again. or indeed the world and all its charms.


#1188

Does anyone have much experience/knowledge of PTSD?

Trying to be mindful of confidentiality…but someone I know closely suffers with it having been attacked at work about 18 months ago. What’s heartbreaking is how it’s been a gradual deterioration of their mental state, to the point where their at a point now which they couldn’t have imagined years ago. The main signs are jumping everytime their caught off guard, disrupted sleep (with flashback memories), panic attacks when the possibility of being in a similar environment to the original incident is even mentioned, hopelessness… They had CBT recently but told me it wasn’t working well as the therapist was really shit at active listening…they missed a session and has now been discharged. Put on fluoxetine after just to try and stem the tide.

Anybody had any therapy that’s worked with similar symptoms? EMDR has been mentioned but seems pretty rare…perhaps just general counselling?


#1189

I had counselling for PTSD which was incredibly useful. I think for the most part I just needed to dedicate time to talk about it and process what had happened. I ended up going private as I couldn’t wait but there’s a charity in Brighton that offers counselling at heavily reduced rates, so I was able to see someone quickly.

It sounds like this person you know need access to some form of therapy as soon as possible. I’m not sure CBT would be that effective for PTSD, to be quite honest.


#1190

Yeah…I’ve read that CBT isn’t really indicated for PTSD so it was a strange prescription anyway. I don’t know much about CBT…but the process of consciously exploring your thinking pattern sounds a bit useless when trauma is the main issue.

Thank you, I believe that they may have access to quicker services as they work for the nhs…and they provide independent healthcare in some cases.


#1191

Hey DiS. So…

Back on antidepressants for the first time in nearly 5 years after having a total breakdown the other week. I’ve been so resistant to taking SSRIs again but I’m finally able to accept that there’ll be times I will need them, and it doesn’t mean I’m weak or I’ve lost or anything, they’re there to help me. I’m on Sertraline which I’ve not taken before - side effects seem pretty immediate (I see someone a few posts upthread has said the same) but I’m hoping I get on with them long-term.

Today is the first day in a while where I don’t feel so bad. I don’t feel great, but I don’t feel awful either. So that’s something I guess.


#1192

Acknowledging even the smallest bit of progress as a positive thing is something that can be difficult to do. Defintely a good thing, even though in the overall grand scheme, it might feels like a very minor improvement.


#1193

glad you’re feeling a little more stable dude.

You can do this! We’re all here for you :slight_smile:


#1194

awww thanks man - you’re all such a decent bunch x


#1195

Not sure if this really counts as depression, but

do you ever sometimes feel like you’re not even really…alive?

Not literally, I just mean in the sense that you reach a point where nothing stimulates you anymore, nothing means anything. Like a permanent numbness. Even if something eventful happens, you just think ‘oh’, and that’s it. Nothing else.

That’s how I’ve been feeling for a while.


#1196

Loss of interest is a definite factor in depression though. It sucks - makes you feel untethered from the world. Do you feel like that towards things you know you normally love?


#1197

Does anyone have this peoblem? Basically incapable of thinking too far ahead. So many of my actions are based on immediacy and it always hurts me in the long term and my future self is always given so much to do, it’s so rare that I’m ever like “oh wow I’ve already done this!” It’s always stuff I’ve put off and part of it is obviously being so high strung I can barely get through a day or maximum a week of planning ahead without stressing out, but it’s something so bad I need to get rid of it because so much time has been wasted. For example i got put off taking medication because I got told it takes six weeks to work and I didn’t want to wait that long. Which is dumb because that was 2 months ago. Part of me just feels like I could be dead tomorrow so whats the point? Even though i wouldn’t ever kill myself. When I try to imagine my elderly or even middle aged self I can’t which is terrifying, I want to age and live for a long time but there’s a huge part of me behaving like that’s not going to happen and I don’t know how to fix it. I’m making poor choices with exercise and diet and doing things I know will harm my health in the long term but it’s like time beyond the next ten days doesn’t exist. It’s like walking in a really foggy morning down your street where you know where everything is but you can’t see it at all. I used to take such pleasure in planning things, I used to have such active synaesthesia when it came to months days and weeks and everything was so bright in my mind and literally now it’s all grey and colourless which is basically my life rn. Also depression is supposed to make you sad and quiet but I’ve gotten so much angrier recently, I used to be the calmest person, not very self aware so very happy go lucky and not so held back by my introversion, like I used to enjoy being around people even though i wasn’t the centre of attention or the louder ones of the group. I just feel mad at myself for being like tgis, and mad at the world because i did everything right and expected to grow up happy and successful but im more of a mess now than i was as a 20 yo which is so infuriating. I struggle to be around people now and when I meet new people I see myself constantly apologising and mixing up words and getting embarrassed and it’s so stressful. Even when I’m with my best friends I’m quiet but they know what’s up so I don’t feel like I have to constantly apologise but I get so anxious about being shit company that I just can’t wait to get away from others so I can be on my own again. I’m also cringing all the time at myself, like visibly cringing at things I say and I can’t help it and probably look like a total lunatic. I was watching fresh Prince yesterday and will says something stupid and visibly screws his face up cringing and obviously it’s for comedic effect but this is what my dumb face is doing irl and idk, it’s weird. Argghh I just want a colourful life again. I’m better in a lot of ways compared to my younger self - I’m a kinder person and far more less judgemental and desperate to look interesting and cool, it’s so much nicer when people are happy to talk about their hobbies and enthusiasm is so much better than cynicism. But other than that I’m so much unhappier and less hopeful and I just feel weighed down which I feel terrible about because I’m turning 29 not 79 and in very lucky to have what I have and I just feel ungrateful and useless. Anyway this was really long and usually I type out really long things here to get it off my chest and just abandon post which sounds crazy but it kind of helps because I don’t have anyone to talk to really, but anyway I’ll post thing and I do not expect anyone to read it all I type way too fast on my phone this is why my thumbs hurt half the time ._.


#1198

Oh god this is so long


#1199

hey JB!

Really sorry you are feeling this way but I can relate, I seem to have spent the better part of my 20s learning how to live day to day because thinking too far ahead always scares me, I know I’m intelligent and capable but I have a fear of putting myself in situations where I have to prove that so I always play it safe and never plan for any big changes. Works out ok a lot of the time but it makes me really sad when I catch myself thinking about the future and how nothing really changes for me. I’m very lonely when most people I knew have sorted out their lives.

Truth of the matter is though, most big changes are just a lot of smaller changes stuck together, so if you can find a way of breaking down long term goals into smaller ones and sticking to them they can be achieved :slight_smile:

I know this is a hard thing to do, I can say that recently I’ve been using this list thing to feel good about achieving tasks wunderlist.com (thanks to @_Em for suggesting this!) and it’s really helped me feel a sense of small achievement day to day and breaking down things that feel daunting (even housework chores etc which sounds silly but can sometimes fill me with dread) so maybe that could help?

Just try your best to accept yourself as you are, people go through phases of being sad and lost and it doesn’t make you a failure or a worse person it’s just a phase of your life that you can and will transition from into a happier place :slight_smile:

take care


#1200

Thank you! :hearts: I will definitely try that list, I use Google keep but that doesn’t work when you have about 20 lists pinned dating back from 2016 :dizzy_face: everything you’ve said is pretty much the same with me and it’s horrible to feel left behind, I lost touch with so many friends because they were doing so well and I didn’t want to be the loser of the group. My cousin who is 2 weeks younger than me and my best friend growing up is having his first child any day soon and I can’t even imagine doing that, let alone being anywhere on that path


#1201

well try not to worry about external milestones and social expectations where possible, it’s about getting you to a happier place where you’re more comfortable with yourself :slight_smile:

Yeah try that list thing, you might find it really helps encourage you to feel proud of yourself when you achieve things and will prove to you that you are capable and do live a productive life, it’s all about framing it in a way that makes you feel content!

Best of luck


#1202

I feel like I have a lot of common ground with this, but my head is a bit jumbled currently so I’ll have to reply at another time. Might be a DM, idk. A very short version would be to say that alcoholism is by far my biggest problem and, when I’m going through a rough patch, I live each day pretty much like it’s my last and get stuck in that cycle.

Might try that list thing out, @Bamnan, always looking for an organisational app/program that doesn’t end up making me feel guilty for my lack of productivity.


#1203

Nail on the head. :clap:

Sometimes the only meagre advice we can offer each other in these situations is that these feelings can and often do pass.


#1204

Can I just also say this is the best thread on DiS. To think that I used to think “why is there a Social board on a music forum?”


#1205

it seems good as you can set up alerts via e-mail or notifications etc when things are due but it’s not so compliated that it feels like a chore or stressful to fill in the tasks themselves. I’ve basically just split mine into three categories: chores, fitness and music stuff.