How's your depression?


#1226

It’s something I’ve noticed, but I think it’s just that it’s becoming more acceptable to speak up about it? I was diagnosed with anxiety in 2008 and would have died of shame if anyone knew at the time, my parents and siblings included. Now I am so much more at ease when discussing it because there is so much less stigma attatched to stuff like that


#1227

i wonder about this too. i think most people born in the 80s/90s are lucky in the way we can talk about stuff like this openly. i think also DiS as a forum skews the ratio of well to unwell since we’re all kind of emo indie kids tbh.

but to get unnecessarily deep and wanky, i think there’s just something about western civilisation right now that feeds a general ambient sense of futility. i don’t think any anxiety is irrational atm. there are good reasons to be afraid and sad. climate change, extinction levels, tories, nukes, america, etc. depression and suicide rates are appalling, stress and anxiety is off the scale. there’s this undercurrent of tension and paranoia and violence and despair everywhere, and the things we’re supposed to use to bumble our way out of the murk - culture, politics, drugs, etc - are failing like never before, by and large. it’s like we’re all breathing carbon monoxide, but there’s no way to fix the leak. it’s very hard to articulate, and sometimes when you get your hands around it some dickbag comes along and goes, “nahh, you’re overthinking it cos i’m fine and i work in an office deal with it!”

so you feel ashamed for feeling this way, which feeds more anxiety and misery, when the most therapeutic thing for everyone to do would probably be kill all the governments and bosses, and then sit around and have a circle jerk for a week or two, then start again with better ideas.

anyway, happy sunday!


#1228

Think I like you


#1229

:blush::hugs:


#1230

A little bit, yeah. Although I’ve been through worse.

I don’t feel particularly depressed at the moment but I’ve recently been experiencing low self-esteem. I just feel like there’s nothing in my life. Nothing to look forward to, nothing to get excited about, as though this is as good as it gets, because “that’s just life” etc.

It’s a really empty feeling.


#1231

Yup pretty much


#1232

Sorry to hear that friend. Well life is a continuum and that means constant change, so it is always eventually different, but that doesn’t always mean better! However, an upswing will come around. And if you do little things to buoy your self-esteem you’ll feel more capable of taking the risks that will draw you into a more fulfilling existence. It will bring you to life again. It’s hard to start combating negative self-image though. Being kinder to yourself is a good first step!


#1233

dunno really but it’s bloody great that there’s so much understanding and willingness to be helpful here :blush:


#1234

I don’t really post in here cause I don’t really have depression, but my mental health is rubbish atm so allow it - Insomnia is real bad. when I’m lying exhausted my mind is just ticking over with inane shit that my brain decides, delusionally, is profound.

Spent hours last night thinking about how dreams must have had an effect on how we tell stories as though it were some grand philosophical treatise when in reality its just my brain idling, I can’t distinguish signal from noise at all and it’s making me scared. what’s a symptom and what’s a cause - is the lack of sleep fucking me up or are the delusional bits and the not sleeping both coming from some psychosis.

I’ve been waking myself up in the middle of dreams because I think I’ve understood the moral lesson that the dream is trying to teach me and that is the only way to get back in a good sleeping routine too. the fuck is that about honestly. Shit brain.


#1235

We’re trapped in the belly of this horrible machine and the machine is bleeding to death :metal:


#1236

We use magical thinking throughout our lives - we’ll never stop being irrational. That has it’s useful functions but can also really trip us up. And is obviously worse when we’re fatigued as well. The rational part of us seems to then subside.

Do you take any sleeping tablets or anything? Sleep will definitely help to ‘right’ your brain/clearly demarcate items in your perception. And the philosophising might be down to just having to occupy the time - what you’ve recounted sounds reasonable! It’s when that thinking becomes impenetrably idiosyncratic that it’s usually time to start being concerned!


#1237

want to stick my head through a fucking wall


#1238

DM me if you want/ need someone Brighton based to chat to anytime - I’ve been taking Sertraline since the start of the year and it’s been a big help


#1239

Thank you :slight_smile: I’m quite relieved because the side effects have been nowhere near as awful as I’d anticipated. I’m tired/sleeping a lot but I can handle that. Glad they’ve been a help to you - I’ve heard so many bad stories about them but I guess they affect people differently. I had a nightmare with Citalopram but know so many people who haven’t had any issues whatsoever with it.


#1240

Yeah - I just felt a bit odd on the 1st day. That’s about it

I have started having the odd night where I get insanely sweaty and wake up soaked. It’s only 1 or 2 times a month though so I’ll take that


#1241

Same here! (w/r/t DMing)


#1242

thanks, i appreciate that. had a good sit down with myself before and realised that the worry about psychosis was probably just more grandiose thinking (i hope), had some bad dos with two family members being treated for schizophrenia stuff in the past couple of years, and it sits on my shoulder, worrying me.

i’ve had miles too many diazys this week already - worked a 10hr shift on a couple of hours sleep and ate 15mg a couple of hours ago and i’m still whirring along. feeling a bit blissy from them anyway which is nice. never lasts forever eh.


#1243

Probably a bit crass but here’s a life crisis poll:

My partner told me today she doesn’t think I should come back to Germany right now because of my mental (and state and thinks I should go home and concentrate on my health and maybe finding work there)

This would mean postponing or perhaps cancelling my masters, my German classes and an internship with a magazine, but the argument being I’m so up and down mentally that maybe I wouldn’t be ready to do that. However, part of my moods is due to a lack of routine, so it’s possible I could improve on myself on this basis.

Obviously this has taken a great toll on my relationship, my partner feels she can’t go on with things as they are. She doesn’t want to break up with me just for me to get better (and give herself some time to recover). She has supported me all the way until now both financially and emotionally but feels she has reached her end.

I do feel completely lost and it’s very hard being in another country because there’s so much new stuff to consider and the often language problem. I feel while going back home isn’t neccesarily a terrible idea I also feel I may get stuck there. I’m not sure I’d go back to Berlin. I feel if I don’t try these things now I may never do it. I absolutely have stuff I need to work on, both personally and in relationship because for the last year I have just been take, take, take, so I’m not at all surprised that my partner has eventually lost her patience. I’ve not been good to myself and as a result her because I’m in such a bad routine/state.

While I would have support at home and it may well be easier to find help in UK, I do worry that I’m not sure what else I would do there right now. I’m also not really sure what would happen to my relationship if I stay in the UK. I really need help, focus and a better routine, but for now, a poll

  • Stay in UK, concentrate on mental health
  • Go back to Germany, to partner and into a routine

0 voters


S799's annual life crisis (poll) thread
#1244

My sertraline’s been increased and I do feel a little less hopeless.


#1245

This article is really interesting and pretty much me to a tee (apart from her difficulties with her meds, I’ve been more consistent with mine). I was treated for depression for a while before speaking to a consultant and realising that my behaviour was consistent with bipolar. Had never really stopped to think why some days I felt much more awake and creative than others, which sounds good but at the same time I also did really inexplicable things like spend shit loads of money I didn’t have and other regrettable things (such as running away to Japan).