How's your depression?


im not a massive drinker but i had a few pints at the weekend and just felt a little more tired than usual

it does seem to effect everybody in different ways though


I find drinking to be pretty much fine on sertraline - but I took it very easy to start with


Yeah, that’s what I should do really. I’ve avoided booze since my last slightly funny experience last week, but actually I’m not overly bothered about drinking at the moment, so yeah :+1:


does anyone have a situation where spending time with your family just claws at your psyche and drags you down into the abyss, because they are completely oblivious to how they (unintentionally) messed you up, you can never try and resolve it because you would feel too guilty hurting them (and would have to criticise something that is the core of their identity and the only thing in their lives (borderline cult like religion)), so you’ve spent you whole life withdrawn and distant as a way of dealing with it (and developed severe self-loathing due to having to hide yourself and deep paranoia about letting anyone get to know you), but then they make you feel guilty for being like that even though it is not how you want to be, leaving you with this inexpressible anger short circuiting your feeble brain?


I’m in a different situation, but I think maybe I have similar issues. I mean, maybe. actually more likely I’m cherry picking what seems relatable.

like, I’ve been struggling with anxiety around others for years now, and I find it nearly impossible to be open/vulnerable around others, and feel constantly on edge, uncomfortable, etc.

and the only time in god knows how long that I’ve felt relief from this was feeling like maybe I’d met someone I could love, having felt able to be open and vulnerable around them, and felt receptive to life in general for the first time also in a long time as a result of that feeling of trust.

only for the depth of that connection to turn out to be mostly imagined, and that feeling of relief to vanish. the thought of them brought me comfort, then I felt anxiety at the thought that I had ruined this potential love, then I felt anxiety at the thought they would never want to even be friends.

and now I just feel that though they are open to being friends, the feeling of trust has been irreperably broken, that they will always be circumspect of the feelings I confessed to, and that I will continue being utterly inhibited by the same old social fears.

I also have little to no hope in mental health services, and medication might not even be the source of temporary relief I hoped; if anything, it just guarantees I waste away unfeeling for another few months of my life.


I can’t relate to all of that, but I can say that my mother has unintentionally damaged my ability to exist as a social person, and that to say this makes me feel guilty as this only happened as a result of her own mental breakdown, and I feel so bad that I cannot be available emotionally to her anymore, even though it was the way she treated me during those years that broke me emotionally, in a way from which I’ve never recovered. etc.

all of this tied into a broken self-image/devastated self-esteem.


I’m a sucker for milestones and anniversaries so all year long I’ve been looking back at photographs of me and my friends (who thankfully are still with me today) in 2007 and I look so thin and young and pretty and so much was happening back then.

Even tho now I’m financially secure and in many ways blessed, I have such terrible relationships with people who entrust / believe in me where I get easily bored nowadays and feel worthless most of the time. Also tired a lot and deeply unhappy / guilty when I actually think about things.

At the time, 10 years ago, I was severely depressed and it’s coming up to the 10th anniversary of my attempted suicide / admission to rehab, so hindsight is indeed a bitch.


really hate those timehop things. had a really horrible experience a year ago that I can barely even talk about and managed to go through therapy (because of it) without mentioning once. for months I thought I was really losing it or had brain damage. I was in a constant state of panic for months. catasrophised every minor thing ( all my teeth were falling out). I was going to be exposed as a complete fraud for doing a phd. tiny triggers like smells and brightness would send me into a panic attack or headache and I’d have to spend the day in bed. because of what had happened I had really negative associations with doctors, hospitals, any kind of drugs. so didn’t get any help for months. eventually got therapy and just couldn’t bring up what had happened. I suggested it to my gp in one meeting and he asked if I wanted to discuss it and I just couldn’t. pretty sure I’ve had ptsd for much of the past year but it seems a bit pointless to get any diagnosis now that I feel pretty stabilised and am managing things ok.


Don’t know what a timehop is but so sorry for your bad experience, sounds like it’s been a real challenge for you.

This might not be what a doctor would tell you so apologies if this is bad advice, but I believe it’s ok to allow yourself to heal in whatever way works best for you, if you are coping with life pretty well at the moment then that’s great news and proof of your resilience.


yeah I have issues with this too, not sure how to explain it too well but I’m a bit trapped because I’m a “carer” for my mum (I use the quotes because I don’t actually do too much aside from chores and emotional support sometimes…I’m not the best son) but I’m not that much like the rest of my family, would love to be able to be enthusiastic about my music around them but they’re just not interested…I know that sounds like a bit of a childish and petty thing to get hung up about it’s just a shame as it’s such a big part of my life that I have to keep inside my head always.


It’s a Facebook feature that shows you what happened on that day in previous years. So while I assume the intention is to remind people of happy memories it’s just as easy for it to bring back bad memories. Can easily be very triggering, especially when bringing up stuff from ages ago that you’d forgotten about


oh sounds terrible


I’m struggling to get out of bed at the moment. Manic with worry due to ongoing work-related issues that i get to the point of my brain being absolutely frazzled every few months. Physical health’s about as bad as it could realistically be without being in hospital. Constant stream of headaches, funny turns, sniffles and aches for months, and more recently serious abdominal pains, chronic fatigue and nausea which i’m sure are kidney and/or liver-related, but every urine test, blood test and scan says i’m a picture of health. Feel like death.


Yeah, Timehop just reminds me of how much fun I used to be. I should remove it, really.


Thanks Bamnan. Yeah I think I’m basically over it and can be exposed to the things that would previously have brought back flashbacks. couldn’t watch certain tv shows or films where people were experiencing similar things, couldn’t listen to the type of music that was playing at the time, couldn’t wear the dress or shoes I was wearing at the time, couldn’t even get drunk because it just reminded me of what had happened (actually going out and getting drunk, being in a similar situation, allowing myself to enjoy myself like that was really vital for recovery + SSRIs + time). now I barely even think about the actual events and only really think of it as an unfortunate period of a few months when I could have been getting more out of my life but was too ill.


kind of see where you’re coming from. i love my family dearly and the environment i was brought up in did more of a number on my psyche than my family per se, (altho they saw eeking out a living as about as good as it got so i never had any ambition or drive until later in life, when i had a lot of catching up to do). like, they still live on the council estate i was born on so when i visit, it just reminds me of everything i hated and wanted to escape growing up. recreational violence, racism, poverty, misery, etc. also i’m terrified i’ll end up back there and at the same time i feel like a massive snob cos i don’t do anything particularly well paying or with any real status. that kind of upbringing really steals your confidence if you’re half-bright, as you’re caught between the working and middle classes and you don’t really belong in either.

which reminds me of how insecure i still feel around middle and upper class people in general, like even when i first started posting on here i never got involved in politics threads to begin with because i felt like, well, these DiSers are clearly middle class/uni educated so they must obviously know more about the world than me, etc. also i have a pretty heavy east leeds accent and i feel really insecure about that if im out on the piss and fall into conversation with a well spoken southerner. so i get the urge to hide your true self and the paranoia around other people and inexpressible anger/sadness.


I’m in a very similar state of affairs atm, man. Keep up the good fight (or pack it all in and move to Spain like me).


yeah, life is pretty long in the grand scheme of things, plenty of time to change how you are feeling and your views of yourself in relation to stressful/bad events, the past is not in our control but how we stand in relation to it can be altered for the better :slight_smile:

All the best for your mental health going forward!


Off work today, waiting to see the GP.

Had two anxiety attacks yesterday - the first wasn’t too bad, I was able to bring it under control fairly quickly but it left me feeling quite shaken. Then last night I woke up in a complete panic. Heart was hammering away inside my chest, which felt hugely constricted and my mind was being a complete fucker, quite honestly - I was convinced I wasn’t going to see the morning in which scared me fucking witless.

Feeling really wobbly and traumatised this morning, but work have been really supportive when I rang in this morning. Am so blessed to work in an environment where mental illness is given the same level of credence as physical illness.

Hoping not to get any more attacks now and just see the day through.


Massive ^this to the second part of that.