This afternoon I had a horrible sensory meltdown/panic attack at Stratford station on the way back from seeing my granddad at his care home. Totally lost all ability to function, which was terrible of me because I had my son with me and I should have been able to keep it together for him. My dad was there to help us home, but I felt awful about it because I hate that my mental health issues are impacting on my boy. He didn’t seem phased by it, he was really happy, calm and sociable all day - brilliantly behaved. But I let him down so much, I pretty much can’t handle taking him places other than a select few short, local things. I should be able to take him for little trips to the seaside or museums or to see more family, rather than deprive him of these things
Also feeling a complete drain of interest in anything, worse than in any previous depression. Like before there were things I could find relief in as distraction, but I pretty much just want to sleep in my meagre free time. I don’t want to listen to music, watch anything, work on any craft projects, I am only reading out of duty to the book club I go to. Today there are/were two sporting things that in previous years I would have been so excited by, but I just can’t muster a care about them, I feel totally flat and barely like a person any more.