I am a firm believer that the majority of what people post on Facebook and Instagram is a mere veneer about their lives and not representative of the reality… I came off Facebook as I got my first diagnosis for depression as that was one of the things I used to do - compare my own life and status and achievements against what others were showing on there. It made me feel so unbelievably shit and inadequate and like a failure… I don’t miss that one bit.
Prescribed diazepam this morning. Stopped a borderline panic attack in its tracks. It’s going to be horrible when I run out, isn’t it?
Also don’t forget that most novelists don’t even get going til their late 30s.
You’re in your early 20s right? Loads and loads of time for you to think and collect material.
Also many (perhaps most) actors and musicians in the public eye who are officially in their early 20s are actually way way older and just made to lie about their age by their agents. For some reason everyone is supposed to be a boy wonder of 23, not a 32 year old who’s done some other stuff along the way.
yeah this, i’m not even upset about it anymore (which is worse than being miserable about it in some ways).
The night sweat situation is getting too much to deal with. It can only be linked to Sertraline. I wake up at 4am every night with my bed, pjs etc absolutely soaked. GP says he’s never heard of this as a side effect.
I saw a neurologist the other day who linked my anxiety/depression cycles with my “behavioural/adhd” problems as a kid which was interesting, so I’m on mood stabilisers the now
It is interesting, the things you learn. I had my first counselling session today and they said I have social anxiety rooting back to childhood and therefore it’ll be incredibly hard to address…which was great.
Not what you’d want to hear is it really? You’d hope for a balance of “that must be really tough” and “but let’s try and help you” in your first meeting…but then equally, through what others have said to me, sometimes first meetings aren’t great as they haven’t had chance to properly gauge your reactions yet…so give it time
My friend has gone through this very thing. He found mood stablisers difficult. Very difficult at points. Would say it took him 2 years to find ones that worked with him and the adhd meds. But what he has done since is amazing.
He has quit drinking and drugs been completely clean apart from the presciption meds and does excercise every day. This is what really helped him. He claims Yoga particularly the more meditive strands of yoga helped immensly.
What I’m trying to say here is medication should only be part of your treatment. You need to look after yourself and build your mental health up. This is a constant thing. You will have set backs, sone possibly crushing ones. But you can get yourself to a better more fufiling place. I know because I’ve seen it!
How long did they give you? Usually they are pretty short courses…is there anything else you’ve been given/told in terms of a plan for medium/short term?
Its all I want now. My depression is under control to pretty much completely gone, my anxiety is very much manageable for the time being but ive been getting panic attacks. They are not getting better.
Thing is I know the triggers so I can prepare for it but they are so awful… I cant eat for hours after one and even the smell of food triggers my gag reflex, I hyper ventlate and have shakes… while getting hot and cold flushes. Just awful I just start actively avoiding triggers which is at the expense of my well being.
Oh ive been doing that too, since I’ve come back I’ve been drinking way less and doing either ddp yoga or football
Yeah reading the comments it seems you are very much on the right track. Keep it going!
Still need to lose weight though, which apparently mood stabilisers can be bad for
Saw a thing for a support group for postgraduate students who have (or think they might have) social anxiety kind of stuff and I’ve had an appointment booked in to go to an assessment thing to see if they think it could be appropriate for me or whatever. Sliiiiiightly worried, but I reckon it could conceivably be a good step.
I’ve been feeling like this for a long time.
It’s weird because usually my self-esteem is fairly high (although my actual confidence around people is very low), but then I end up comparing myself to people who seem to have it EVEN better and I just feel like everything I have high self-esteem about is suddenly no big deal, nothing.
I’m talking about people in their 20s who act like they’re the cast of Brideshead Revisited/Made In Chelsea, already appearing to be on 6 figure salaries, playing croquet, having yacht parties and presumably coctail and cocaine soirees in their mansions (bought for them of course). I’m not even exaggerating, that’s genuinely some of the stuff I come across. I didn’t think people like that actually existed until recently looking at some people’s Facebook pages (and being a total creep tbf), it’s as though the 20th Century never happened. When young adults are supposed to be having a hard time atm, it doesn’t make sense that some appear to be having the best fucking time ever.
But are they really? Or is it just fake? I mean, they must be pretty insecure to feel the need to show all that off…
I have some really wild ambitions and unrealistic goals that I feel too embarrassed to even talk about them, because people would just laugh and say ‘BE REALISTIC, that’s never going to happen! ’.
Whenever a kid says something like ‘I want to be Prime Minister when I’m grown up’, and then they grow up and years later they say ‘yeah, well when you’re that age anything seems possible…’, I’m still kind of in that mindset where I think anything is possible. I think anyone could be Prime Minister (or whatever they want to be) if they really put their minds to it.
I think the key is that you have to really want something so much, that you’ll try and try and dedicate all your time to it, sometimes you’ll fail and then try again until eventually, you’ll get there. If you didn’t get there, then it’s probably because you didn’t really want it. There’s probably something else you wanted even more.
Although obstacles like depression really do get in the way of this. I basically screwed up my A-Levels first time round because I did no work thanks to depression and not being able to cope with a bad situation. I’ve always been extremely bitter about that, especially since I was a high achiever before the depression started.
I think this is why I’m finding the prospect of getting a job hopeless at the moment, not necessarily because I don’t think I can get a job, but because there’s nothing ‘realistic’ that I genuinely want to do (although I don’t want to be Prime Minister). I think there’s also a lack of motivation because I’m not really interested in money.
That’s quite reassuring. I’m always alarmed whenever I look at an actor’s/musician’s wikipedia page and it says they have been ‘active since’ before they were even 20 . How do people become so accomplished so early?!
I guess I’m lucky in that I still look like a teenager. If I ever wanted to do something like that, I could probably get away with it when I’m in my 30s
Just leave them to it and be pleased for them. Don’t make it a race to the bottom…surely in an ideal world we would ALL be that happy, not the opposite.
Of course they are only displaying the best bits of their lives, it may be insecurity but more likely just the world we live in, generations are being born into this, it’s not their fault.
Seriously if this is really getting you down just quit facebook. You don’t need it.
Don’t forget how much spin people put on things. For example someone might be doing these things cos they’re a model. But the modelling industry is a fucked up place that has no time for people over a certain age and leaves people with massive insecurities. Someone might be spending loadsa money on stuff that looks good on Facebook but actually be getting into crippling debt. And cocaine is definitely the best ever shortcut to a heart attack before the age of 50.
What people say they want/will do is fairly meaningless. People either start doing it or they don’t. You mentioned up thread that you’d like to do something
So step 1 is decide what you want to do and step 2 is to start making progress, no matter how slow. Finishing a project might require time and money but anyone can make a start.
I actually think that depression is more of a hindrance to step 1 than 2
Break them down into very small steps, then take step 1. If you can’t, break it down into smaller steps. If you think people will laugh cos you want to write an hour long symphony for an orchestra, don’t tell people that’s your goal cos yeah, they probably will laugh. If you tell people you’ve actually completed two steps of your plan (decide on exactly the instrumentation, write the primary motif) then your overall ambition seems less ridiculous.
Written this on my phone so might be a bit jumbled.