I have some really wild ambitions and unrealistic goals that I feel too embarrassed to even talk about them, because people would just laugh and say ‘BE REALISTIC, that’s never going to happen! ’.
Whenever a kid says something like ‘I want to be Prime Minister when I’m grown up’, and then they grow up and years later they say ‘yeah, well when you’re that age anything seems possible…’, I’m still kind of in that mindset where I think anything is possible. I think anyone could be Prime Minister (or whatever they want to be) if they really put their minds to it.
I think the key is that you have to really want something so much, that you’ll try and try and dedicate all your time to it, sometimes you’ll fail and then try again until eventually, you’ll get there. If you didn’t get there, then it’s probably because you didn’t really want it. There’s probably something else you wanted even more.
Although obstacles like depression really do get in the way of this. I basically screwed up my A-Levels first time round because I did no work thanks to depression and not being able to cope with a bad situation. I’ve always been extremely bitter about that, especially since I was a high achiever before the depression started.
I think this is why I’m finding the prospect of getting a job hopeless at the moment, not necessarily because I don’t think I can get a job, but because there’s nothing ‘realistic’ that I genuinely want to do (although I don’t want to be Prime Minister). I think there’s also a lack of motivation because I’m not really interested in money.