How's your depression?


had a walk planned for a month or so, maybe longer. finally felt like I was going to be able to something I wanted to. got some walking boots for it. my friend and I were planning it and finally got a proper plan in line for the last month. and he’s just dropped out,a few days before. and another person isn’t coming. and it’s at the point I’ve just had to cancel.

I tried really hard to make something happen. to organise a thing where people I like would come along, to do a thing we’d all enjoy. but everyone’s got something else.

I’m trying so hard to be better. to be more personable, optimistic. to be better company than I have been for… forever. just been a strange, anxious person for my whole twenties, and I finally feel capable of talking to another person in a natural way. but everyone is like a star, their whole lives a distant unknowable thing, and always moving away. or some rubbish metaphor like that.


I seem to always get it in the summer, weirdly


we are massively rooting for you x


sorry people haven’t been super reliable for this. it is no reflection on you at all. people’s lives are just a bit unpredictable sometimes, plus time and money are really in short supply :frowning:

I often have to rearrange cancel things that I want to go to or struggle to get enough. people interested

you’re great and there’s absolutely no way the lovely people you are friends with don’t all agree with me x



anyone who isn’t selfish and unable to feel sympathy will be concerned for you right now. honestly, that’s not that big an ‘event’ compared to so many things people do and say at work. you’re a person with emotions and react to things emotionally. it’s silly for people to pretend that workplaces can be completely free from basic human features. hope you have some time to relax and process things at the weekend xx


Yep, the clock change is always a killer. Never tried a lamp. Have tried Vit D which maybe helps (although I was also no longer drinking by this time last year which probably was more effective).


My night sweats have stopped!


Thanks DB. Woken up from a nap and calmed down now (although still a bit mortified). I think with a few hours distance what really affected me intensely was the fact of the panic attack itself. I’ve had a bad temper and stormed out of rooms in the past, but never had to remove myself from a situation because of feeling like I did today before… It’s a completely new one on me and I suspect made me feel all the worse because of that.


Not had a great few days. As is typical…it’s come after a period of getting back on my feet then a sharp relapse…which just makes me lose all hope in long-term recovery, as I’ll always let myself down. It’s the feelings of guilt that are most persistent…I have all the tools to get better but I end up taking the easy option and drinking myself in oblivion.

Practically it’s meant I’ve gone AWOL from uni, not for the first time either, and although they are aware of the situation (they, very generously, refer to it as my own particular coping strategy)…time is running out and eventually they may force me to defer a year. Which comes with added financial pressure, the shame of explaining to others…etc.


Why would they force you to defer a year? Hasn’t the year only just started?

Uni these days is a melting pot for mental health problems. I found that a LOT of my mental health problems went away pretty much overnight as soon as I found out my degree result (now I’m in the miserable finding-a-job-and-not-getting-anywhere/not-even-trying phase). I’m still fairly depressed for unrelated reasons, but I found my feelings of dread and anxiety almost vanished instantly.

It took me 5 years to complete a 3 year degree (I was barely there for 2 of them) for mental health reasons. If there was no such thing as Extentuating Circumstances I probably would’ve got chucked out. Explaining stuff like this to people at uni was always quite annoying, you can’t really say to people “I failed a year because I was depressed”. But you don’t actually have to tell anyone that and none of that stuff remotely matters at all once you graduate (in a way it’s kind of cool that I’ve had five long years at uni, overall I’ve probably had much more fun and much less responsibility over that time compared to a lot of people, plus SO much has changed politically between when I started uni and when I finished that it’s really interesting (and shit obvs), from just 2 years into a Tory coalition looking like Labour were obviously going to win the next election to fucking Brexit happening).


Just catching up on this thread and yes - this absolutely knocked seven bells of shit out of me last year. I found the transition to short days had happened almost overnight and I simply couldn’t cope. The struggle to get out of bed was immense, I would fall asleep as soon as I sat down anywhere and even though I went for regular walks at lunchtime to ensure I got some natural sunlight and such like, I really found the simplest functions, such as putting dirty clothes into the laundry basket, completely and utterly insurmountable.

I have SAD lighting in my bedroom now, although the effect is limited I think. But I’ve been a lot more aware of the changing seasons this year and am hoping that by making this effort will lessen the impact this time around.


My close friend was a model. Made a lot of money but its a vain world and he came out in his 30s with a heroin addiction and no skills.


yikes, how’s he doing now?

@pip has done modelling work, he was telling me about the darker side of it a while back when we were in the same job. The conversation started cos there was a new girl we were supervising who had a contract with Nuts magazine. I probably said “her life sounds great, why work in this call centre with us?” so he explained that it’s not actually that great!


Sometines good sometimes bad. He suffers from bipolar as well. Recently he completely relapsed and was in a bad state but has a new psychietrist and claims that she has helped loads.


Its mental health nursing…which seems to have much more stringent guidelines than your typical academic course. Especially since you have to have a certain amount of hours accumulated in the time period…something I’m well short of currently. I kind of accept it as a possibility…in a way I’d be relieved if it was forced upon me…but then I think of the questions family and friends would ask of me and shudder

That’s the crux of it really. Pretty much everyone I know is aware I’m meant to qualify early next year. Unfortunately, only a handful know if my ongoing alcohol issue. It just means an awful lot of awkward conversations should I delay it by a year.


I’m ok now but had a majorly stressful week and a rotten cold that lead me to have a total meltdown on Tuesday which then lead to me not sleeping and Wednesday being a teary mess at work for the entire day.
When I get sick, I feel that triggers something off for me and I can’t see into the future where I’m not sick? Like I am really active and going to the gym is my coping mechanism for MH so I flip out that I can’t control my life the way I like to control it cause I’m sick and then everything unravels and I feel like I’ve gone back into a depressed state I once was.
Feels stupid looking back on it now but suppose it’s good to acknowledge it innit.
(Still struggling to sleep a full night due to some work stresses)


I have my first proper therapy appointment on Friday, does anyone have any tips on how to get the most out of it?
Unfortunately I can’t remember what type of therapy it is aside from it not being CBT. Basically I am concerned it is going to be totally ineffective because I will probably end up crying most of the time and also my brain is so dead (probably from the level of medication I am on) I find it impossible to drag many coherent thoughts out of the fog. It also takes me a very long time to be comfortable around anyone new, it is difficult to sew how I won’t waste at least half of my appointments being in the state of fear I usually find myself in with a stranger.


Not had any therapy sessions yet,so not sure if helpful, but I made a list of bullet points of symptoms when I went in to see my GP for the first time last month for exactly this reason - I kept breaking down in tears and would have been pretty much incoherent without it. Worst case you can start off by just handing something explaining your phobia of people you don’t know so you don’t need to say anything to get started.


If you know you’re having more than one session, I wouldn’t worry too much about how the first one goes. As @colinzealuk suggested, some prep might be good if there are things you think you’d like to try and discuss. Equally, putting something down afterwards about what went well or what you felt you wanted to say but didn’t might be helpful for the second session.


I don’t know if the below is of any help at all - I know a lot of it is easily said and much more difficult to apply.

All I would advise is to be as open minded as possible and try and keep in mind that your therapist will have no preconceptions about you whatsoever. Try and be as open as you can (I find this dreadfully difficult, still) with them and no matter how uneasy, embarrassed or ashamed you might feel talking about something, they are not sat there in judgement. Their job is to challenge your thought processes and help you try and recognise this.

It probably won’t be easy, I still come out of my sessions after a good five and a half years - might even be more now - of various therapies completely and utterly worn out. I often go off on tangents because by the time I need to finish one thought, another has usurped it and the original train of thought has long since gone.

Don’t worry if you’re stuck in a state of silence for a few minutes either whilst you wait for thoughts to arrange themselves, or indeed do spend much of the appointment in tears. Your therapist will be used to this and although it won’t necessarily make you feel any less awkward, try not to think of it as wasted time.

Even if you feel your first couple of sessions have been of no benefit, I would urge you to do all you can to persist. It can be a slow burn, but you may suddenly find a moment when a lightbulb goes on in your mind as you talk and something suddenly clicks into place (not that this will necessarily be a silver bullet curing all your problems, but a rare moment of clarity) and hopefully, at the end of the sessions you’ll be able to look back and see that you have made progress.

Also, there is an enormous degree of achievement in being able to haul yourself through a section of therapy when you’re feeling enormously vulnerable and fragile. The difficulty in going through that shouldn’t be understated or ignored.

If your sessions are anything like mine (I’m assuming you’re NHS?), and there’s a finite number of weeks, then don’t expect to come away with everything sorted and do try and do all you can to ensure there is still a pathway towards care once the sessions finished - whether through less regular reviews or referring for another block.

I wish you all the best with it and hope that you are able to find something useful to come out of them.