I feel better… Sertraline has mostly helped stabilise my irrational moods, having a change of scene to look forward to with a new job is great (even if the job is something I was doing 4 years ago and I’m mildly humiliated to be going back to square 1), I have something of a social life again, and very recently I’ve got past my ongoing psychological trauma, which is absolutely huge for me (if tinged with a deep sadness that something that was actually so good and easy to overcome in practice involved 7 1/2 years of fear, depression, anxiety and missed opportunities).
But while it feels churlish to still be sad considering these things, this year has really crushed my spirit. I no longer have the motivation to do a lot of things and my self-esteem in my abilities/hope for ever doing anything good in the future has just totally collapsed. I can’t work out if that’s just what adulthood is. I’ve really tried to be more than some good grades and a page of work experience, but I seem to be missing something, and I don’t know what it is.
Fingers crossed something comes along to jog me out of my creative block.