How's your depression?


#1506

What type of work is it? Seems like a restrictive environment. I hope things get better for you, you shouldn’t have to put up with that in this day and age.


#1507

Finished CBT a couple of weeks back. She told me that I need to continue seeking help as I have a “bad cocktail of GAD and OCD”. Dunno if I should go private though. I’m still gonna be an insecure worry bag. Don’t want to spend money on something which might not help.


#1508

Organising and running exams. So on exam days there’s loads of needing to be in a certain place at a certain time.


#1509

Was getting reasonably anxious about having to go to mass and participating in a christening ceremony. Lots of issues around family tied in with that. Spoke to my counselor about it. Came up with some coping strategies. Role played some worst case scenarios.

It was today. The subject of the sermon was - I shit you not - anxiety. Apparently I’ve to stop having negative thoughts and put my trust in God.

My counselor is going to piss herself.


#1510

It looks like you saw the lighter side this, thankfully. But this sort of shit worries me, it’s basically denying the roots of mental health. Is it prominent in Christian thinking?


#1511

I am in semi-regular contact with a therapist, and it definitely helps me to put my negative thoughts into a little perspective sometimes.

But, equally, in the midst of a weekend when an attack of despair hits, it is so difficult to find that level of perspective and rationality sometimes. And when that happens, all too often things begin to spiral and snowball out of control.

Thanks to you and @colinzealuk for responding.


#1512

Back on my bullshit again. Woke up at 3am worrying about this weekends events.

What should have been a very minor disagreement with my bf escalated to the point where I had a total meltdown and panic attack. I got myself so worked up and frustrated and I see it coming a mile off but I can’t seem to stop myself from going full hysterical.
I think I may have a thing about not being listened to. My bf is the total opposite of me emotion-wise and his coping mechanism is shut down and/or defend himself if he feels under attack.

It’s not his fault in the slightest but i can’t seem to learn how to control myself in these situations. I always just meltdown and then I am left feeling humiliated (not by him, he is very comforting, reassuring, understanding and loving) and ashamed for taking my emotions too far.

Sometimes I think I feel too much.


#1513

I think the answer here is “it depends”.

The key word in a lot of religions is “faith” - the idea of whether there is a higher being (God in Christianity) is generally unknowable, therefore you have to have faith in Him (why is He a man btw?). Some people then take that faith and put a large amount of trust in Him knowing best - that if something bad happens it’s for a reason and all part of His greater plan. Other Christians I know take a more liberal/modern approach to their faith and while they take a great amount of comfort in the core tennants of Christianity (God, afterlife, etc), they take a much greater responsibility for the day-to-day living of their lives, mental and physical health and so on.

Whoever was giving that sermon seems a bit old school to me (although I haven’t been to church regularly in about 15 years, so my memories of how most sermons are is possibly a bit vague).


#1514

Welcome to the 12 step programme!
That was a reply to Epimer…


#1515

It sounds like the kind of thing that I would have heard in my time going to masses in Catholic churches, which always felt rather more doctrinal than at a Methodist service.


#1516

Hey Meo,

Oddly I can empathise from both sides of the fence here. My therapist last week said she thinks that one of my triggers for anger and my panic attack attack seems to be not being listened to as well, but I know that most of the time I manage that in exactly the same way that you describe your boyfriend reacting - I shut myself down emotionally and get uber-defensive about the slightest thing. (Everything in that situation is criticism of me, not a discussion about the relative merits of different types of cheese or whatever we were talking about beforehand). And I think that just makes me explode even more when I do finally react with emotion - because I’ve repressed things for a while beforehand.

Haven’t got far enough down the line to work out how to find a more balanced approach for myself yet, but one thing that might help diffuse the situation in future (if you can face it - it’s a hard thing to do!) is to have an open and honest discussion with your bf when calmer about why you react in the way you do and if the two of you can find a key word or phrase that either one of you can use when you can see the way your emotions are going that allows you both to take ten minutes away rather than entrench yourselves in another argument/meltdown. My wife and I’ve managed to avoid a couple of similar situations this way and then were able to come back to whatever it was in a slightly more rational way a little later.

Sorry - that was a long sentence - hopefully makes sense.


#1517

I’m glad i’m not alone in exploding because I feel i’m not being listened to. I honestly went so red hot with rage and I practically screamed the house down then fell into a sobbing ball for about half an hour. I feel so humiliated that I can’t even tell my best friend about it (this thread feels like a safe place).

Thankfully arguments between us are extremely rare as we get along so well and are both very considerate of the other person. We’ve had discussions since then and he’s so supportive and he feels really upset that he’s hurt my feelings even though at the time he didn’t see it as a big deal.

I definitely think I need to take that on and step out of the situation for 10 mins to compose myself. I tell myself to be calm and not say anything hurtful but somehow I just explode.

Thanks for responding Col :slight_smile:


#1518

This is generally true for the kind of people I speak to about this kind of thing…they don’t entrust their day to day lives to the “will of God”. The argument you might have about “responsibility” for your own mental health is more complex…and do I guess I must at least be thankful most people denounce the “higher power” explanation.


#1519

I think anger is a massively misunderstood and misinterpreted feeling for a lot of people. There are so many sides to it…I personally feel I sometimes have very righteous, acceptable anger that helps me communicate in a more honest way than normal…but equally I can also let it become destructive and petty…which is purely for some self preservation rather than moral gain.

I’m not relating that directly to you, nor am I quite sure what I’m offering, but if you do feel guilty for anger in general…I don’t think you should. With the right motives it can be a very powerful and honest tool.


#1520

Sort of blurted out to my sister everything that’s been going on with me (meds, therapy, overcoming PTSD) on the way home from a funeral last week. Not the best timing but when is? She was so great and warm about it all and made me feel a bit more confident about telling other members of my family (I’m one of 6 kids).


#1521

I don’t feel guilty as such for being angry but I feel just quite ashamed of how I handled myself towards and in front of someone I care for so deeply. It’s almost like I don’t want them to see me in that light as it is somewhat unhinged.

I am very honest and true to myself but I suppose that can also be harmful in the way I portray myself in the heat of the moment. I need to be more calm and measured but how do I get to that stage? Do I worry about it too much if it only happens once every 2 months? I dunno.


#1522

From what you’ve said upthread…perhaps you shouldn’t worry so much. Clearly you’ve got yourself a good egg…and if he remains consistent even in a time where you are “ashamed”, then surely he’s accepting of this side of you.

That’s really not that often, perhaps you are worrying too much about how you come across but then it only reflects well on you if you’re willing to be so self-critical :slight_smile:


#1523

i know it’s not as easy as just switching this stuff off, but you needn’t feel so worried about people close to you judging you, really. anybody who loves and cares about you will recognise that this is an illness and there are moments that it will get the better of you.

the same goes for you too, everybody has lapses and moments where things get too much, and when it happens it’s important to be kind to yourself and remind yourself that these things happen, it’s not a big deal and it doesn’t make you a bad person.

look after yourself, you’re a good egg :slight_smile:


#1524

He is very good to me but I do struggle with how I see myself a lot in quite a lot of aspects. I was always bullied and ridiculed in school, work and by family of how sensitive I am (it’s always been at the height of most people’s entertainment in my life to wind me up to the point where I cry and then make fun of me for crying - this has happened even in recent weeks i’m 28 for fucks sake leave me alone!) and I suppose it’s just added to that level of self consciousness.

Thank you and @howtobealone for the reassurance. It always helps for me to talk about things like this here as I don’t feel like I have many other places to turn to sometimes xx


#1525

It’s always good to give some advice considering what I’ve got from this thread/this forum recently.

Sensitivity, though it may cause a bit of stress for you, is nothing to be ashamed of. Far rather be sensitive to things than aloof and unconcerned! Plus… sensitivity is pretty much the basis for all that bullshit “snowflake” criticism that the alt right parrots on about…being an enemy of those guys is a badge of honour!