What the fuck was I thinking coming here I can’t deal with this
Up to you whether you want to or not, but feel free to elaborate if you do. Seems to me from a distance that you’ve been doing pretty well over there up till now, but obviously that’s no sign that things will always been that way or that it’ll feel that way to you.
Keep safe in the meantime and know that someone’s always in this thread if you don’t want to talk now but do later. x
In general I am but I still get into situations like now where small things can throw me completely off balance
Sorry to hear that. Of little comfort now, I know, but it will get better again before too long. It’s almost always small insignificant things that knock us all back and cause us to end up on our knees - you’re no worse than anyone else in this thread in that sense.
Can you take today off and just spend it looking after yourself for the day/wallowing in bed/sitting in a park or whatever you’ve managed to find helps ease things in the past?
I might have to but I’m supposed to be at class orientation in a minute
Going to work going to work over an hour late. Had to talk myself into going into work today and made up a crappy excuse to why I’m late. First time Ive done it but might have to come clean with my boss if it happens again.
Honestly I think having that hour to myself really helped. Just to gather my thoughts. I’m mighty close to burn out at the moment and I’ve been rather on top of things for a good 7/8 months now. But its creeping and I’m starting to have more bad days. Work really makes it worse but so does no work… Honestly 3/4 days a week would be prefect! Pity that only just covers the rent in this day and age.
I don’t really understand how people are capable of working full time. Its completely destructive to a social life. I use half weekends to recover and the other half to socialise. The evenings I just lock myself in a room. But its impossibly lonely like that. Its hard to maintain friendships and relationships when you see them once every fortnight at the absloute most.
Yeah I need to leave london. But I work in an industry that is very london centric, and I’m just starting to get a foothold in it.
I’m sort of riding the wave of burnout at work at the moment. Partly (perhaps mostly) due to a mess of a project that I am working on that has been riddled with problems since before it was handed over to me. I have definitely not done a great job on it since which hasn’t helped, but now it’s got the point where I find it hard to think about even working on it before getting that tightness in my chest. I sort of just need to take a bit of time to sit and map it all out and break it down into something manageable but I’m finding even that to be almost impossible. Urgh.
Nope should not have gone to work today
Gotten to the point now where getting out of bed in the morning is incredibly difficult.
Easy said from the outside, I know, and I know how desperately fucking difficult it is from experience, but it might be worth having a quiet word with your boss today if you can about how you’re feeling and how much you’re struggling.
It’s never an easy conversation, but hopefully after doing so it’ll lift a bit of a burden off your shoulders in so far as at least they’'ll know what’s happening in your life and there might be things that your workplace can offer you to assist you whilst you’re feeling so burned out.
Do you have an approachable boss?
Not really not when he is stressed like today. But my supervisor has picked up on something and asked me if I was okay because I looked tired and ill. I told her not really and she offered a paracetamol. When she comes back I will use it as an out and just say in not feeling too great and would like to leave early
Sounds like a good plan. Definitely be good to get yourself out of there and do what you can to chill out, relax and recharge this afternoon.
Take care of yourself.
Feeling lower than usual. Going offline for a while, DiS isn’t the sanctuary it once provided (poor me, etc)
I might delete this later as I’m not really one for sharing personal stuff on the internet, but my head is all over the place.
I watched my mother die at the weekend.
She was 57, she was an alcoholic and I hadn’t spoken to her for nearly 10 years. My sister called me on Thursday night to let me know that she was in hospital and it didn’t look good. I went to visit on Friday and managed to speak to her and have a conversation and she recognised me and held a conversation with me. It was only short but we both said ‘I love you’. My sister then phoned at 4.30am Saturday to say the hospital had called everyone in. Over the next few hours my mum lost consciousness and slipped into a coma. She then died on Sunday evening.
Sitting around watching someone die is fucking horrific. Watching someone gasp their last breath is horrendous. Seeing her afterwards will never leave my mind.
I feel like I’ve lifted the lid on 10 years of suppressed emotions and I’m so so fucking sad. And guilty. If I’d have reached out sooner maybe I could’ve made a difference. I know it’s irrational and no one can stop an alcoholic drinking but she was weak and I am strong so maybe I should’ve tried. My heart is fucking broken.
i’m so sorry to hear this, how incredibly awful.
be nice to yourself, please. this isn’t your fault.
This is terrible, I’m sorry you’re having to go through this. As someone who lost a parent, though under different circumstances, pls get bereavement counselling if you can as it’s such a good thing to do straightaway and I regret so much not doing it myself and thinking I could cope on my own. And also it’s definitely not your fault
I’m sorry to hear that, and hope you’ve got as best support you can in real life in the horrible circumstances.
I think @jazzballet’s advice below is really good, and also:
It’s pretty normal I think for people to blame themselves after something dramatic and traumatic- like your brain’s trying to get a grip on something so confusing and overwhelming.
This is heartbreaking to read - I’m so sorry you had to go through that.
I’m so sorry to hear this. It sounds utterly heartbreaking and it’s really no surprise that you’re feeling so sad about it.
You should not feel guilty about it. It was in no way your fault. You could have also done yourself some personal damage by getting back involved in that situation. I’m not sure what your reason for not speaking for 10 years but I’m sure it was something that was needed at various points in that time.
Just be sure you know you’re not alone and you’re loved.
thank you all for being so kind, it really helps. I will look into bereavement counselling and suggest it for my sister too.