Hey jb - feel free to word vomit here as much as you want.
For what it’s worth, you come across here far better as you see yourself, so there’s something worthwhile in you, even if you can’t see/feel it at the moment. I can empathise with much of what you say as well, albeit I don’t think I often feel as awful as you eloquently put it.
With your friends, is there any individual that you trust enough to have a quiet personal word with about your mental health and the knock on effect of how they talk with you? If so, they can hopefully talk to the others to get them to lay off a bit. One of the best things I did when diagnosed was send a PM to my closest friends to let them know and they’ve been fantastic since; obviously when you feel socially anxious that’s really hard to do (I still can’t believe I managed it), which is why I’m suggesting maybe just pick one person you feel you trust the most.
Keep safe and know we’re always here for you.