How's your depression?


#1646

So fell ill a while back and am now recovering. Illness sucks because it alienates you and suddenly you have all this free time while other people are going along their busy lives. The tiredness and inability to keep intreast in things doesnt help. You are just way more emotionally sensitive. Or I am any way.

You give a messages and attempts at human contact and if you dont get a reply soon it hurts. You’re lonely and cut off. Like that’s rarely ever me im usually quite understanding of other people and their busy lives. Sometimes you ar tired or have other things on. Even if you are genuially not that interested that’s also fine you know. People come and go and sometimes friendships/relationships fade out.

But you are lonely and irritable so your mind thinks the worst. Its like being a 14 year old again and its crap. Cause there is nothing you can do. You can’t phone a friend and have a few drinks to manage the loneliness. You can’t push yourself in any meaningful way.

You just have to wait as the world around you keeps moving just hoping that as you return to it you wont be forgotten and you will still be loved.

I used to always read the Adventures of Huckleberry Finn when I was ill. It helped enormously. It was just such a wonderful story with imagination, brutality but ultimatly a loving introverted outlook that I could appreciate and see myself in It reminds me about what I love about myself and the things I love and hate about the world around us.

Unfortunately I dont have that book with me. So I wrote this instead!


#1647

I’m going to start off by saying I’m really lucky when I fall ill…because I tend to get this weird sense of euphoria…plus I reckon I’m an inherently lazy person so the sudden excuse to do nothing is very helpful in this regard!

But obviously you don’t need to know all that…sorry to hear about how you’re feeling, both physically and mentally. Loneliness is one of the most insidious but crushing things to deal with…I also feel like it’s one of those things a lot of us experience (especially on here) but never in the same way…so we can all empathise but never truly know what it’s like. But…when you’re able to connect with the world in the same way as you were before I’m sure all those same connections will come back…after all, why wouldn’t they?

If Huckleberry Finn can make you love yourself you’ve clearly got a lot of good qualities!


#1648

I’m feeling really weirdly nothing-y at the moment, like I am losing my identity a little. I’m kind of feeling a bit listless and finding it really hard to enjoy stuff as much as I normally do. I have generally found it pretty easy to enjoy what I do (work, music, friends etc) but everything is losing its lustre a bit. Not sure what it is, but I hope I can pull myself out of it soon. Small steps I guess.


#1649

Hey :slight_smile: sounds to me like you might be going through a depressive episode. Just skimming through this thread, it sounds like you’ve had a fair bit to deal with lately? This might sound silly but how’s your sleep? And appetite? Do you get much exercise? It’s not necessarily gonna change everything instantly but having just come out of a mental health crisis (well, coming out of one) but I’ve found being mindful of these three things really helpful.


#1650

I think I probably am! My sleep is OK but not quite getting enough of it (trying to address that though…). Exercise hasn’t happened a lot recently as I’ve been travelling a bit for work and haven’t managed to fit it in…and appetite is good as ever! ha.

I think I just need to build a routine a bit more with sleep and exercise, and hopefully that will make things a bit better.


#1651

Sleep is a tricky one because depression makes a restful night’s sleep very difficult. I’ve been prescribed zopiclone which has helped but I can’t take it long term. My psychologist recommended loads of sleep hygiene stuff but I literally forgot it all the moment I left the room.


#1652

Ha! My problem really is just that I am terrible at discipline so going to bed early is something I just don’t do…then suddenly it’s midnight and I’m only getting 6 hours sleep. Not ideal!


#1653

Feeling like I’m returning to a depressive episode, and it’s not good. Can anyone give me any advice on what to say to GPs?


#1654

Hey, I’m sorry to hear how things are going, but hope you can get the help you need (recognising deterioration is usually a big step for me).

Personally, I haven’t had a conversation with a GP about depression…but my partner finds it helpful to take in a written account of everything she can think of, paying particular focus to the kind of things that are affecting her most at the time.


#1655

Agree 100% with this. worst case you can just hand the list to the GP if you’re unable to get your words out.

I don’t think there’s any problem with going in to them and laying your theory straight on the table. "I think I’m depressed/having a depressive episode and need help; I’m no longer able to cope by myself… " and laying out a very brief outline of your symptoms. Also no harm in doing the PHQ 9 test online in advance to gauge what reaction you’re likely to get from them.

Also think a bit up front hat you want from them if possible - if you want meds, a referral for therapy, both or just an ear for ten minutes to blurt stuff out, but don’t worry if you don’t know; it’s just useful to know if you’re willing to give stuff a go in advance before they spring something on you.


#1656

Just wondering if anybody else is feeling a bit shit about the world in general right now. Can have really big effects on your mental health, I feel.


#1657

Would recommend considering this as well. GPs come in all flavours; whilst many are great, others may do the minimum to get you out of the room - I’ve had more than one ask if I’d completed the PHQ-9 recently. When I hadn’t, their response was to give me a copy to complete, telling me to book another appointment once I’d done so. I usually didn’t bother going back.

In terms of what to say, hopefully your GP will prompt you with questions about the symptoms you have, if you explain you’re depressed, but you might want to think about what impact your depression is having on you and how it manifests- are you struggling for motivation and to get out of bed, or having panic attacks and not sleeping from worry? Is there an impact on your work/study/etc?

Mostly try not to stress the appointment itself (easy to say!)- it will hopefully go well and provide you with some reassurance, or an idea of possible next steps, but if it doesn’t go as you hope, try not to feel beaten up about it as these things happen- try to use it as a learning exercise- think about what didn’t go well and what you’d do differently, then try again, possibly with a different GP if your practice has more than one. Good luck!


#1658

Hard to put it into words, I’m back in London and going back to a shit job I hated. I feel useless and trapped and like I know travel doesn’t solve anything now and feels like a stupid distraction. I know I’ll never amount to anything, Just wasting time now. I promised myself I’d go to the doc’s when I came home because I had some serious suicidal urges but I just feel too anxious about it. Just feel like hiding a bit and getting out of the way.


#1659

No, but I have done in the past and had to give up news more or less entirely for a few weeks and most social media for a bit at the time. Entirely understandable that you’d feel like that now with what’s going on in the world though.


#1660

Yeah…the thing is I feel like, as a white cishetero male, that actually the abuse is being felt by everyone else…and I just feel uncomfortable with the amount of reflection it’s requiring me to do. It’s almost as if…taking a break would be ignoring all this and burying my head in the sand


#1661

Hey Ruffers,

Sorry to hear this and I hope your urges have diminished a bit. If you want to take some time to hide for a while then you absolutely should do. If you can’t make it to the doctor (absolutely understandable, because it’s really fucking difficult sometimes) then maybe a call to someone like the Samaritans might at least give you somewhere to express yourself a bit, or even PMs to someone you trust on here (I’m happy to listen if you want and I’m sure several others here are). I don’t know how to help you with some of your other problems, but you seem like a good sort on here and I really hope you can get past some of them given time.

Also, uncomfortable subject to broach, but please keep a few phone numbers handy in case the suicidal urges do or have come back - A&E, local mental health crisis team and possibly the Samaritans. I’d hate to think they do and you’re having to deal with it on your own.


#1662

Well,in fairness, it pretty much is - although there’s some cases of abuse of us types, they’re very much in the minority. Small consolation I would imagine, but it looks to me like you’ve been pretty much on the right page recently, so there’s no need to beat yourself up too hard and remember that there’s really no shame in deciding that the news is too much for a bit - it’s not burying your head in the sand to say you need time for yourself and you’ll come back to things later if that’s what you need for your own sake.


#1663

Thanks, for what it’s worth I’ve taken a lot from your posts recently, not least in this thread.

Think I might try a Bamnan and go with no (okay, minimal) internet for a period. I do still think I’ll feel guilty for that…but maybe it’s better to address it another time.


#1664

:heart:

People here helped me out a lot when I went through a rough patch a few weeks ago, so I feel like the least I can do is repay it where possible. From a selfish point of view it actually helps me a bit too - keeps the mind occupied, gives me a sense of self worth, encourages me to share things about my own depression that I probably wouldn’t articulate otherwise.

Whatever you decide, try and keep in mind that you’re of more use mentally healthy and continuing to address things later rather than struggling and/or distressed and possibly in no fit state to keep processing them anyway. Keep safe x


#1665

I wouldn’t consider myself depressed, but I can feel myself being crushed under the weight of the enormous beaurocratic bullshit that is holding up my life.

This happens a lot doesn’t it? It seems to happen to me anyway.