So fell ill a while back and am now recovering. Illness sucks because it alienates you and suddenly you have all this free time while other people are going along their busy lives. The tiredness and inability to keep intreast in things doesnt help. You are just way more emotionally sensitive. Or I am any way.
You give a messages and attempts at human contact and if you dont get a reply soon it hurts. You’re lonely and cut off. Like that’s rarely ever me im usually quite understanding of other people and their busy lives. Sometimes you ar tired or have other things on. Even if you are genuially not that interested that’s also fine you know. People come and go and sometimes friendships/relationships fade out.
But you are lonely and irritable so your mind thinks the worst. Its like being a 14 year old again and its crap. Cause there is nothing you can do. You can’t phone a friend and have a few drinks to manage the loneliness. You can’t push yourself in any meaningful way.
You just have to wait as the world around you keeps moving just hoping that as you return to it you wont be forgotten and you will still be loved.
I used to always read the Adventures of Huckleberry Finn when I was ill. It helped enormously. It was just such a wonderful story with imagination, brutality but ultimatly a loving introverted outlook that I could appreciate and see myself in It reminds me about what I love about myself and the things I love and hate about the world around us.
Unfortunately I dont have that book with me. So I wrote this instead!