How's your depression?


#1706

I have had a similar experience before, but I didn’t even get the courtesy of a warning before I got sacked off because I worked for a tiny company with no HR and no care for their legal duties.

The problem with the equality act is that it is a pretty toothless and vague piece of legislation that favours companies more because they can afford to use the law, but you still have a decent chance of using it in your favour if you have had an assessment that says you are likely covered by the act. It might be worth going to your doctor simply to show you are being proactive about looking after your mental health, and then maybe I would try take a bit of control (if you feel able and that the job is worth it) and talk to someone to say that you know that you have had these problems at work, but maybe there is a way small adjustments (which the equality act states you are entitled to) could help make things better for both parties? As perhaps there might be some small things that could help you a little… it is hard to say not knowing you or your workplace, but they could be things like written instructions, flexibility, small changes to the work environment. I guess it is hard because you said you are not sure what is causing the crying, but perhaps there are small things at work causing anxiety that can be dealt with? Anyway, a conversation like that with them can show that you are being reasonable and maybe shift the onus more to them that they should be looking after you as an employee they have a duty of care towards.

This probably isn’t helpful at all, if it is a load of rubbish please substitute all that up there for a simple message to say I hope it works out ok and that if not your employers are completely insensitive fucks who don’t deserve someone as good as you x


#1707

Wtf they can’t do that, noticed this is a problem with smaller workplaces, is yours bog enough where there’s a hr department you can ask for help?


#1708

sounds like it’s more than bog enough


#1709

A bit of both really. Last week I asked for some reasonable adjustments to be made and was basically told that they’re not possible ‘due to the nature of the role’. I’m having ANOTHER occupational health assessment soon so hopefully they’ll be able to help but if they can’t then i’m probably getting the sack.


#1710

Yeah, there’s a HR rep who has been with me and ‘my case’ for years now. She’s being as supportive as she can but obv she’s representing the organisations interests rather than mine.

What’s pissing me off so much about this whole thing is that it’s being spun as “everyone is concerned about your welfare” rather than “we’re worried you’re making us look bad in front of important stakeholders” If my welfare were their primary concern then they’d just let me have an hourly cry once a week, seeing as I’m fine the rest of the time, and they wouldn’t have poo-pooed all over my (quite reasonable IMO) requests for reasonable adjustments.


#1711

Thank you x It is helpful.

I might put my requests for reasonable adjustments in writing to HR next week, rather than verbally to my line manager and see if that does any good. I’ve said idk what’s causing the crying, but I’ve managed to identify some issues with the team/role that are causing me certain anxieties, I think I need to raise these formally because doing it informally has made things worse. I’ve got a doctor’s appointment in a few weeks and I’m hoping they (along with occupational health) will be able to help.

What’s kinda frustrating is that I was taken on in the job with senior staff knowing my history and that I’m liable to future episodes of illness even though until the other week I’d been fairly stable for a few months. It’s not my fucking fault I might be unwell again. And I certainly don’t enjoy the social embarrassment/disruption to my work that comes with having emotional outbursts.


#1712

yeah @Tilly I would definitely make sure you are clear that you consider yourself to be disabled for the purposes of the EA2010 and put in a request for resilience training. would really recommend joining a trade union if you are not already a member of one (i.e. whichever one is recognised in your workplace or represents people working in your sector) x


#1713

As always, thanks to everyone for being so lovely and offering genuinely helpful advice :heart: and also thank you for letting me have a little complain xx


#1714

Putting things in writing is a great idea, always good to have a proper record of things so there is less likely to be misunderstanding. It is so frustrating when they say they are interested in your welfare but then act in a way that is harmful towards you. It really should be simpler to get reasonable adjustments, too often they get dismissed when they are actually simple solutions which will be mutually beneficial. I hope they see some sense!


#1715

I’m not sure because of contractual stuff :confused: it’d definitely be rather shitty of them though.


#1716

I thought you made the typo but no it was me lol


#1717

Will keep my fingers crossed for you! I would say stay strong but there’s nothing wrong with crying if you need to.


#1718

Sometimes I think misery and self-loathing are the only things I understand.

I don’t think it’s possible to be happy as an adult. Growing up seems to be all about gradually realising how shit everything is, and transitioning from thinking everything is possible when you’re a kid, to realising how almost nothing is possible when you’re an adult. There are always going to be constraints that get in the way of the things you really want. You’re fucked before you even try, for reasons you can’t change.

I’m not even currently feeling depressed typing this, but I think the last time I actually felt happy was when I was 16. I’ve had spells of joy in between, but my life has never been quite the same since, and I don’t think it ever will be. It’s always going to be on a gradual downwards trajectory, each year more psychologically difficult than the last. That’s how the trend in my life has been so far, so I can only assume life gets more and more difficult.


#1719

content warning

ever catch yourself fantasising about catching some disease or illness that kills you relatively quickly so you don’t have to deal with getting old alone? I know I’m running out of time, the window for starting down a road of productivity and fulfilment seems so much shorter than the length of life itself. I don’t want to live as a complete failure for 40+ years.
I guess fantasies can sometimes be healthy?


#1720

Yeah I know what you mean to some extent. I find myself thinking “fuck I’m 30, I’ve got at least another 30 years of this”.

There’s still plenty of time left! Productivity and fulfilment can come at any time. Perhaps we’re conditioned to believe that it should all come when you’re young but fuck that, it doesn’t apply to everyone. And you’re NOT, absolutely not a failure by any stretch. You’re a remarkable musician for one, and we’re always in need of those :slight_smile:


#1721

I had my first day back at work after a month of being signed off. Probably the worst month of my life, utterly horrendous. ANYWAY… I’m really fucked off because my manager wasn’t in when I got in this morning, she was in other meetings. She popped in briefly and said hi, and suggested we “catch up soon”, then went off to another catch up with a staff member on a different site. So I was left to just work out where things were at. My colleague who I supervise, she was visibly stressed and hadn’t been given much support or structure to help with that, so I ended up making a plan with her even though I have no clue what’s going on at work right now. It’s really bothered me.


#1722

Also, 100mg Sertraline. Jaw is constantly clenched and it’s starting to hurt.


#1723

here for you and think you’re really great CC


#1724

Thanks DB, back atcha :slight_smile: been thinking what a positive influence you’ve had on the boards. Hope you’re doing okay?


#1725

ah thanks so much for reading and replying mate :slight_smile:

Yeah I know this mood is temporary but it can be tough to see that when you’re in the grips of a bleak moment. I keep hoping my “art” such as it is is enough but it doesn’t really feel like how most people measure their success and it’s hard to be out of step with your peers.

I’m really sorry you’ve had such a rough time, you’ve always seemed such a generous, positive and open person, life’s not very fair sometimes huh? Pretty jerky and insensitive of your manager, is she generally a compassionate person? Some people are so caught up in their own lives/living up to the standards their company expects they aren’t very good at caring for the people they are in charge of. Not really an excuse though right?

You can always PM me if you want to talk in depth or anything, always here