Hi guys, sorry for using this thread as a place to get some stuff off my chest, I hope that’s okay. It’s not really depression related - I don’t think - but I feel like I’ve been having a tough time recently and I don’t have many places to talk about it.
My mum was diagnosed with cancer a couple of months ago, she had surgery to remove half of her thyroid a few weeks back. The surgeon is happy they removed everything, but she had an infection and was in and out of hospital, and she’ll have to go back in the new year to remove the other half, followed by radiation treatment (I think). On the whole it’s not as bad as it could have been and she’s really positive and upbeat, and she’s talking about it like it’s been dealt with. But I don’t know if I’ve really processed it at all. My mother-in-law died of cancer last year and it was horrendous and heartbreaking, but I’ve just been kind of numb to this whole situation. She’s kept it very private so the only person I can really speak to about it is my wife, but I’m wary of doing so because of how painful it is in the wake of what happened to her mum. The other week when I was off sick, I ended up sobbing in the middle of the day when my daughter wouldn’t stop crying (the worst thing was, she stopped crying and looked really concerned, and that set me off again).
All this is happening when everything else feels really difficult - I’m not especially happy at work, my wife’s job is really stressful, we both feel like we need to earn more to cope with our rent and childcare and her loans, we’ve all been ill on and off for the past few months, we don’t sleep well… I guess I don’t feel desperate or crushed or anything, just permanently worn out and occasionally miserable and stressed about the future. And I guess everyone feels like this sometimes and many people have it way worse with their health and mental health and situations, so I feel guilty for being dramatic. I feel like I just need a break but that’s the one thing I can’t really have.
Sorry again for unloading, I might end up deleting this because I’ll panic about other people’s privacy, I just felt like I needed to tell someone.