thanks for this. even though i’ve been posting here for years i still get nervous posting in this thread because i know so many people are suffering to a far greater degree than i am. not that that matters i guess.
idk if i say this further upthread but never mind if i did, i was diagnosed with bipolar disorder last summer and it’s basically ruined my life since then. i spent all day in the hospital for 6 weeks (slept at home) which wasn’t so bad and then was hospitalised for three days which was terrible. since then my medication has given me horrible side effects, and when i tried to change i had horrific anxiety and couldn’t even do laundry. i’m now taking something which doesn’t have the side effects to the same degree but i am suffering from depression and anxiety. i just started taking an SSRI last week as an add-on and my anxiety is sky high again, i’m just sat in bed right now having cancelled my work for the day (and as i mentioned i’m a freelancer - if i don’t do the work, i don’t get paid). i don’t know what to do with my life careerwise. luckily i have a very supportive boyfriend, he’s my primary carer as my family have all but disowned me, he can work from home so he often does to look after me (but he has to be in the office this week for various reasons) and he can afford to pay the rent when i can’t, but what would i do if he wasn’t around? stupid to worry about that i know because he is. i keep thinking i should try to get a part time job instead of freelancing because then i would have some structure. but i worry about the money, i don’t think i’d get paid as much. and i worry that i couldn’t just take time off when i need it, like today. worryworryworryworry. and i worry about the long term too.
i’m stuck with this disorder and it’s ruining my life. before i found out i had it, i had a full time job too, something which i couldn’t fathom holding down now. and i’m not stupid, i have a degree from a good university and my CV is pretty good too. i’m just a mess, one hot anxious mess.