Heh. I don’t mind being invited to things! I guess this just all feels really trivial. On some (many) levels I just feel a bit ridiculous about the whole thing. Brains are hard work.
thanks for this. even though i’ve been posting here for years i still get nervous posting in this thread because i know so many people are suffering to a far greater degree than i am. not that that matters i guess.
idk if i say this further upthread but never mind if i did, i was diagnosed with bipolar disorder last summer and it’s basically ruined my life since then. i spent all day in the hospital for 6 weeks (slept at home) which wasn’t so bad and then was hospitalised for three days which was terrible. since then my medication has given me horrible side effects, and when i tried to change i had horrific anxiety and couldn’t even do laundry. i’m now taking something which doesn’t have the side effects to the same degree but i am suffering from depression and anxiety. i just started taking an SSRI last week as an add-on and my anxiety is sky high again, i’m just sat in bed right now having cancelled my work for the day (and as i mentioned i’m a freelancer - if i don’t do the work, i don’t get paid). i don’t know what to do with my life careerwise. luckily i have a very supportive boyfriend, he’s my primary carer as my family have all but disowned me, he can work from home so he often does to look after me (but he has to be in the office this week for various reasons) and he can afford to pay the rent when i can’t, but what would i do if he wasn’t around? stupid to worry about that i know because he is. i keep thinking i should try to get a part time job instead of freelancing because then i would have some structure. but i worry about the money, i don’t think i’d get paid as much. and i worry that i couldn’t just take time off when i need it, like today. worryworryworryworry. and i worry about the long term too.
i’m stuck with this disorder and it’s ruining my life. before i found out i had it, i had a full time job too, something which i couldn’t fathom holding down now. and i’m not stupid, i have a degree from a good university and my CV is pretty good too. i’m just a mess, one hot anxious mess.
I’m not really enjoying the master’s course I’ve just started and I don’t really know what to do about it. In general, i’ve been a bit more positive lately but I feel like there’s this immense pressure on me to succeed (all my own) and I’ve stupidly given up other stuff (internship) in order to do it… but I keep thinking, what’s the point?
And because I didn’t know exactly why I was doing straight away in the course I feel like the whole thing is slipping away from me already and I’m only on my third week…
You should come to the next DiS drinks! We can geek out about seafood (or not).
I know what you mean about feeling lonely or isolated. It’s a big worry or mine and it’s got worse as more and more friends have left the city. I’ve only got about one friend I see on a regular basis (and others less frequently) but fortunately my gf is here so I see her most of the time.
I guess do you have interests where you could join a group or something? Or if you’re going to a gig and see if anyone on here is going and wants to meet up?
loads of my friends left London over the past year, so in the end I sort of found myself in a situation where I was getting to be a bit lonely here, which is a really weird and horrible feeling. Hope you start feeling better soon, man!
btw this isn’t a pity invite - come to the pub this month with us if you can/would like to, would be good to see ya again
is there a tutor or someone you could talk to about this?
good for you that you’ve been feeling more positive about stuff. there is a point, i promise. i don’t know what it is but people tell me that there’s a point, so i mean, there must be. i just try to hold one single happy memory in my mind and tell myself that it will come again. sometimes that helps.
I don’t really know, the whole thing is fucking overwhelming tbh
just try to keep going i guess, prioritise and try to put one foot in front of the other. we’re here for you, bro!
I can’t, nothing makes sense, I’m not good enough
you CAN keep going.
give yourself a break. it sounds like you’re putting an outrageous amount of pressure on yourself. you ARE good enough otherwise you wouldn’t have got into the program in the first place
even if nothing makes sense now, at this moment, that doesn’t mean it will never make sense.
sending more hugs.
Your situation is the opposite to mine. I’m in Edinburgh for a job and go back to London quite a lot and see my friends as part of that. I’m not sure how London would rate without friendly people in it though, horrible most likely. When I step off the train at King’s Cross (East Coast Mainline represent) its feels like stepping into the maws of some great beast, whereas returing home in Edinburgh is sublime and I feel lucky strolling past the landmarks and leafy streets towards my flat, even though I know few people here and would ideally like more friends. A big fear of mine is that I move back to London just as everyone else begins leaving in earnest.
Thanks (and also @NickDS) - I saw the thread about your leaving drinks so I’ll definitely try and make it along.
My therapist has linked me to this and now I think she might be a quack.
Oh dear. A quick search on Wikipedia doesn’t make it look good. Mind you, if the placebo effect from it works for some then fair enough for them.
Yeah I have no qualms with the placebo effect whatsoever, but… fucking hell.
Yeah, would be worried about being recommended something like that by a professional unless I’d already tried a lot of other things already.
My old therapist got me to do this too. Apparently it works for a lot of people, but it’s probably due to some sort of ritualised placebo effect as colin said. I think you have to be able to suspend your scepticism about stuff like that for it to work, particularly when they start talking about meridian lines etc. I can’t do that unfortunately so I just found the whole thing very uncomfortable.
Yeah ahm oot.
Gonna spill a bit here, on monday night I had some sort of episode where I was so low and panicked, and I physically struggled to walk down the stairs to leave the library. This passed pretty fast but it was the first instance of having physical symptoms.
Today I had an appointment with a ‘wellbeing advisor’ at uni who told me that I need to get an appointment and a diagnoses from the GP, and then I can be registered with the uni as such. Also booked an appointment with a ‘coach’ who is meant to help people structure and organise their study and generally be someone to talk to. Glad I’m moving in the right direction, but I’m mildly afraid of the medication I might be put on (for some reason).