How's your depression?


#1806

Are you studying at the moment? I work in a disability unit at at a university, happy to chat about anything involving accessing support or applying for DSA if you’re eligible.

Also have personal experience of medication and the like. Let me know if you fancy a chat.


#1807

So I have some good news (for once, yay). Yesterday I had my final appointment with the Crisis Team who concluded I was no longer a risk to myself and have discharged me :slight_smile: I’ve now been referred to the Assessment & Treatment Service for ongoing therapy, which I’m really pleased about.

A month ago I thought the only option was to end my life. Everyone around me said it does get better and I didn’t believe a single one of them, but I got there.

Sounds silly but I’m actually quite proud of myself.


#1808

this is really good to hear. nice one! :slight_smile:


#1809

Literally only just realised how buying a house by myself means I’m absolutely fucked if I have another bad period, which I almost certainly will do sometime probably soonish.


#1810

Au contraire - this is a heck of a lot of progress and definitely something to be immensely proud of! Great work :slight_smile:


#1811

Feeling really lonely and unable to do my work


#1812

really really pleased for you :slight_smile: well done CC x


#1813

same. struggling quite a bit today :frowning:

perhaps we should start a club?


#1814

That’s such good news xxxx


#1815

Ugh, feeling incredibly anxious and down over the past few days. Feels like the beginning of an episode so just hoping that the fact I’ve identified it now goes some way in preventing a full blown panic period :frowning:


#1816

take care prof :cat:


#1817

Absolutely this @profk - look after yourself first and foremost over the next few days, and know that we’re always here if you ever need.


#1818

Ta both. Just properly shit at talking about this sort of thing really.


#1819

Join the club mate - I only ever really open up when prompted by something someone else on here’s said. It’s almost as difficult as picking up the phone to make a call.


#1820

So I think I have this strange ocd(?) thing where all my material possessions have to be in perfect condition. I’ve kind of had this for years I suppose (undiagnosed and untreated), but since moving into my own flat earlier this year it has escalated somewhat.

Recent examples include:

I was lying in bed and noticed a minor scuff mark on the ceiling paint above me. I tried to wipe it off, but took off a lot of paint, making it much worse than it was previously. After much agonising I think I have found a matching paint colour so part of my weekend will be spent going to buy paint and a roller and trying to fix the mess I made. I have been feeling absolutely (disproportionately) gutted that I even tried to fix it in the first place, I wish I had just left it so as to avoid this hassle and expense.

Last night I noticed a very minor scratch on my kettle. So, I tried to rub it out, this created even more scratches. The same feeling of being absolutely gutted returned, and in a stress I deliberately broke the kettle which means this weekend I will also be going out to buy a kettle, using time and money that I could have used to see friends instead. Also, a waste of £55 which is what the kettle cost me only a few months ago.

This is similar to a couple of months back when I was taking off my watch before going to bed and my fingernail caught into the strap and created a small dent. I tried to rub this out but made it a lot worse, I deliberately smashed the watch and the next day ordered the exact same watch, at a cost of £120.

I realise how stupid this is and what an unnecessary waste of money it all is. It’s not sustainable and I’ve sort of set myself a standard now where everything I own has to be in new condition, otherwise I just bin it and replace it with an identical brand new item. I’ve always taken care of my possessions but I don’t know how it’s gone to this extreme, it’s just ridiculous, but I cannot stop. The level of stress and despair I feel when I notice a blemish on something I own feels akin to a much more “conventionally” traumatic event and it’s a horrible sensation.


#1821

Hi @KindRegards

It’s definitely not my place to judge what is and isn’t “normal” in regards to the things you’ve described…I guess I believe we all kind of live on a continuum, and we all have “weird” behaviours and habits. It’s just all part of who we are. I guess where it becomes different is when it becomes significantly stressful to you…to the point where you might want it to change, or think it should. In that case I would heartily recommend speaking to somebody about this…which can obviously be easier said than done. Does anybody in your immediate circle know or would you feel comfortable telling them? That’s not an essential…but it’s just a helpful backup to have to have when you do speak to a medical professional. At this stage, unless you’re much further down the line with this than I’ve deduced, I’d suggest going to see your GP would be the best start in this regard, and feel free to post about that experience as there are people here who have a wealth of advice when it comes to GP visits (questions to ask, details to remember, etc.)

Take care, look after yourself first and foremost.


#1822

Hey KR,

If it’s not OCD (I’m not expert, but it sounds like it is a form to me incidentally), it at least sounds like it’s closely related. Having read a couple of chapters on it in the last couple of weeks, @wonton is basically spot on in that we all have odd habits and compulsions at times, but the issue is whether it’s becoming all encompassing and/or having a negative impact on your life, which it sounds like is definitely the case for you at the moment.

I’d concur that ideally a sympathetic GP would be ideal, but also with a quick google I found there’s an OCD specific charity in the UK with loads of stuff on their website. Some of it may not feel relevant as OCD covers a wide spectrum of behaviours, but it could be another good place to start if you’re not ready to go straight to primary care. http://www.ocduk.org/

Keep safe.


#1824

cba


#1825

Spent some time very much isolated recently and not feeling that bad. But I’ve taken to the last couple of days being terrified of death. Like could not sleep last night because of it. All video games where you 'mill’s something news of illness etc bring back this terror. Its pretty fucking annoying!

Honestly of course it’s frightening and something we have to face but I have to accept it and recognose that its something unavoidable that I will have you face at some point so no use worrying about it! Although recognising and thinking about it might be in order and better then just getting anxious and burying it until that feeling of mortality comes up again.

It doesnt help that I have a completely harmless but pretty rare ‘deformaty’ that means my breast bone is concave and touches one of the main arteries. This causes no problem but means I can always feel my heartbeat. Which isn’t a problem right? Unless you are at a period of being deeply aware of your own mortality!


#1826

Not that I’m honestly one to talk but when I’m feeling healthy thoughts about death, I think it’s really great to acknowledge that it will happen no matter what we do, it’s literally the only thing we can be sure of about our future which can be frightening but also comforting in the sense that it’s just there, it will happen one day, hopefully far away so being healthy/not taking unessesary risks and stuff like that will help and it’s the best you can do and the most you should do about it. Turning thoughts off is a lot easier said than done but for me personally when I would worry about dying anyway and feel bad about the whole thing, I would try to take that fatalistic approach to death and just shrug it off and it helped. Also idk if you are religious but that puts a whole different spin on things if you are religious then afterlife consideration can be helpful but obviously won’t be if you’re not but everything I said earlier still counts for either way! hope you feel better soon about it