Hey this is such a good place to talk even if you’re not good at it (who is, tbh) so pls try again if you feel up to it or drop me a pm anytime if that helps
This sounds really similar to my sister, so there are definitely others who have to go through this and you aren’t alone. She hasn’t been diagnosed but reckons it’s some form of ocd (which is fully treatable!). Without going to deep into it to protect her privacy, it’s stuff like buying something and seeing a tiny microscopic defect like a nick or dent, and feeling like she can’t keep it at all and having to buy a new one. Cause stuff gets delivered by post stuff like that happens so a simple order can cause loads of stress and trips to the post office. Usually from my understanding, one of the worst parts of any type of ocd is the way it causes detours and unessesary aggro in people’s day to day lives but there are definitely things that can be done to help!
Amazingly my general mood has been pretty good over the past couple of weeks.
I’ve found that having interests and goals to focus on and devote all your free time on really does help (the problem is figuring out what your interests/goals actually are, this can be hard when your mood is constantly low). I’ve also found getting more sleep and not drinking 4/7 days helps a lot. Working towards something and aiming to be healthier in general is the key.
I say this despite still being in the same frustrating place - not having found a full-time job and living in the middle of nowhere.
In a way, I think what’s also helped me is realising life’s too short to do absolutely everything. It helps you narrow your interests and think about what you actually want out of life.
i think i said this upthread, glad things are better
Cannot. Be. Arsed.
With work, with interacting with other people, with life pretty much.
So much bullshit to unravel here.
Feel worn out (despite a pretty amazing sleep last night for a change), dejected, demoralised, downhearted, sad.
The temptation to go for a walk at lunchtime and simply disappear feels pretty overwhelming. Just head off into some fields somewhere and walk and walk and walk and not see anyone else until I’m ready to in about 18 months from now.
Sorry to hear this - as ever, you have my phone number if you want to vent in private.
Pls keep safe x
I am really struggling to cope at the moment. I can’t do this any more, except that isn’t an option. Totally sympathise with you @he_2, I could really do with just disappearing for a significant amount of time to somewhere quiet… there is too much in my mind to even begin to unravel it and I am so worn down and overwhelmed.
you can do this! I was in a terrible place for some years but I’m doing better now, I’m proof that anyone can improve, I’m not particularly smart, driven, good or lucky and I still managed to get better in time, you will too I believe in you
big hugs and support to you though, I’m not meaning to make it sound easy, you have all the empathy I can give:hugs:
Thanks Bam, you are such an awesome person x
nah but I am trying every day to be as good as I can be. Anyway these are just my honest beliefs based on my own experience, you can and will feel better and we are all here to help support you in this process
just wanted to say that I really appreciate you coming in here to let us know you’re doing better
Totally fine for anyone to post in here to say they’re doing ok too, we still care about you all and it can be very comforting to know others have and are overcoming a similar situation to the ones we are struggling with.
You’re a better person than I suspect you’ll ever realise Bam. Thanks for posting in here and being everyone’s ray of sunshine and hope
You’re great as well mate
well like everyone I suppose I have things I’m not proud of so it doesn’t sit well for me to be praised too much but thank you all the same
For personal reasons I had to leave my job and I’m skint and struggling to find work. I’m having some crushing sensations atm and I keep having really vivid, intense flashbacks to moments in my life that were particularly embarrassing or soul destroying. Feel like I’m never really going to achieve much, can barely face dealing with strangers right now, mumbling at them, not meeting their eyes and so coming off as creepy and shifty, etc. Have had a couple of interviews but anxiety scuppered them. Creativity levels have dropped off completely, not written any stories or composed any beats for months now. Feels like all the trains have left the station, all is played out, might as well just accept I’m not going anywhere.
Also scared cos Christmas is closing in like a fucking winged bird of prey and even though I know all of the above has been triggered mainly by not having a job I also know this kind of stuff can’t exist and grow in your head without at least a kernel of truth to it, tbh.
Man I fucking hate those flashbacks. I get them all the time - when I’m on my own I tend to mumble, “fuck off brain!” and when I’m in company I just clench my fists and pull a weird face. Can’t seem to shake them. Just have to ride it out and try and remind myself it’s a symptom of an illness and not a sign I’m a terrible person who has lived a terrible life.
Try not to worry about your creativity. Everyone gets burned out sometimes. You need to look after yourself and work on some coping mechanisms and once you’re in a slightly better place it’ll come back. Melancholy may be great for creativity - but depression kills it. Same with your confidence in job interviews and such. I know christmas is a fucking miserable time to be skint but it sounds to me like you need to focus on your mental well-being and not put too much pressure on yourself to achieve any Big Life Stuff in the short term.
Think I needed someone to say that tbh, cheers.
when I’m in company I just clench my fists and pull a weird face.
I do this too, and sometimes if I’m just in the flat and they happen I involuntarily go, “Oh, God”, and cringe. Also have vivid recollections of one person in particular who was shitty af towards the end of our really long, close friendship and I’m now told is a globetrotting success story. But we stopped being friends like 10+ years ago so no idea why he in particular is on my mind so much lately.
The mind finds the weirdest ways to torture us. I used to think there was some deeper reason for those kinds of fixations that I’d develop from nowhere at low points, like my subconscious had some mystical properties or something. But now I’m pretty sure it’s just my brain being a dick.