For personal reasons I had to leave my job and I’m skint and struggling to find work. I’m having some crushing sensations atm and I keep having really vivid, intense flashbacks to moments in my life that were particularly embarrassing or soul destroying. Feel like I’m never really going to achieve much, can barely face dealing with strangers right now, mumbling at them, not meeting their eyes and so coming off as creepy and shifty, etc. Have had a couple of interviews but anxiety scuppered them. Creativity levels have dropped off completely, not written any stories or composed any beats for months now. Feels like all the trains have left the station, all is played out, might as well just accept I’m not going anywhere.
Also scared cos Christmas is closing in like a fucking winged bird of prey and even though I know all of the above has been triggered mainly by not having a job I also know this kind of stuff can’t exist and grow in your head without at least a kernel of truth to it, tbh.