there’s always a way back. I know it doesn’t feel like it sometimes but there is always a way back from these things. I’ve been in situations where I’ve thought everything was completely, irreparably falling apart. and it is almost never anything near as bad as you think it is. the most important thing is always your own welfare. there’s often more flexibility in these things than most people realise. I would really recommend getting some independent advice (your SU will have an advice service probably, for free, that exists for things like this). you’ll get through this xx
Yeah, maybe taking the night to decompress will help tbh.
also completely happy to help you draft things like letters or look over anything like that if it feels overwhelming or hopeless
I’ve helped out on a lot of things like this in previous work/voluntary positions
obviously totally understand if you would prefer to keep things private and don’t want help that’s specific to your situation
7 days off In a year isn’t exactly loads, is it? Even a bout of the flu would be more etc?
I don’t know what your situation is and how picky you can be with job offers, but not sure I’d want to work for an employer that had such an issue with that and wanted to delve into my personal life etc. Doesn’t exactly bode well imo
Sorry should’ve been clearer - they called me because I was sick for more than 7 concurrent days at my previous job (it was 6 weeks overall, for pretty dark reasons detailed waayyyy upthread here).
I can’t be picky at all tbh; I eventually left that job because something else happened earlier this summer which basically made it impossible for me to continue working there and remain functional. Which is why I’m really not cool with starting a job where someone I don’t know has intimate knowledge of my mental health history and what kind of treatment I’ve undergone to deal with my problems, and can potentially take away my only current chance at a decent wage if they don’t feel I’m doing “enough” by their standards to get better. Seems really excessive, especially for the kind of role it is, which is that of Typical Office Drone.
Thank you to both you and @colinzealuk for your lovely replies
I’m deferring a year…hopefully to return in July, but worst case scenario is September, which would mean a March 2019 finish. I’m gradually coming round to the idea (well obviously I have little choice haha), as it’s obviously preferable to quitting…plus in truth, I probably do need an extended break…and the pressure of trying to finish on time has only made it more difficult.
The only thing that’s troubling me now is explaining this to those who don’t know…and dealing with the shame that comes with that. But I guess I assume reactions will be much worse in my imagination…people can be pretty understanding. It’s just an anxious thing to think about.
It’s good that you know it’s probably worse in your head than the reality will be. For what it’s worth, everyone I’ve told about my problems has been fantastic - I hope you have the same experience
yeah in my experience nobody really notices things like this at all. it’s really normal and common to have gaps and deferrals on your degree transcript. for friends and family, it can be difficult to explain things but I really don’t think people notice or remember things like this. it doesn’t stop me thinking about them constantly of course but I know it’s not important or at all shameful.
I wanted to talk about something that happened to me last night, I’ve never really experienced anything like it.
I got home from eating with friends about 9:30pm, had a flick through some articles. I read one about this compilation of Somalian music that had been buried during the Somalian civil war in order to preserve it, only to be unearthed and released on record recently. Naturally an exciting thing, but I could feel goosebumps coming up all over my body, and this feeling in my spine like I’d just dropped an E. Then I read about Delia Derbyshire getting a posthumous PhD and burst into tears. But from thereon in it just got really weird. I could hear my headphones hissing at me, the text on my laptop screen starting changing colour and snaking about the screen. I could see colourful shapes on the walls and the blind. I was adamant someone was about to come crawling into my room to try and kill me. I spent 5 minutes staring at myself in the mirror and was convinced I was someone else. It culminated in a panic attack and I ended up popping some valium and a sleeping tablet, so I nodded off soon after. Feel like zombie today but okay otherwise.
I’m not sure what it was and whether I should be concerned?
Oh, and I recorded this in my period of mania.
I don’t have anything like the knowledge to even attempt to give any sort of advice but can relate to how scary stuff like that is when it happens xxx
I’m sorry to hear that it’s something relatable for you. I’m worrying that I’m ‘slipping’ but hopefully it’s just a blip.
“be strong ” is unhelpful isn’t it
what’s a better alternative? i feel that “be ok” might not have the same ring to it, even tho it’s a healthier phrase
Most of the messages on here I have received been along the lines of ‘I believe in you’ and those have really helped me out, and so have people simply telling me they know how I feel I’m basing this off what people on here do and say, but small acts of kindness really help
you’ve made a really good point there, “be strong” is an instruction, an order
“i believe in you” is telling someone that they ARE capable, with no pressure or direction
Sometimes “be strong” comes from the right place…I guess you can tell how pure someone’s intentions are by how they react to you saying it might not be the most helpful phrase.
Personally, I find it quite unhelpful. It reinforces the view that having depressive or anxiety disorders (in my case) is somehow an inherent weakness and diminishes the amount of strength it takes just to function on a day-to-day basis.
When talking to others and trying to help them, I tend to go with ‘take care’, ‘be kind to yourself’ or something supportive if required as @pinkybrain suggests. It may not be the right answer, I don’t think there is a right answer - but it’s just from my own experience.
Actually just had a quick look and said “stay strong” myself upthread! Luckily, the person was lovely but yeah, will actively make sure I consider my language more.
Stay strong might be fine though, as it implies you think they’ve already been strong through all the difficulties they’ve faced?
I’ve been signed up to an online cbt type thing called SilverCloud by the community mental health team. It’s mostly been working through stuff I’ve already done via books previously with a few excercises I’d not tried before. There’s also a mindfulness element to it and I tried a 30 minute meditation last night that went pretty badly. I thought I was in a reasonable mood beforehand but it was just a relentless bombardment of intrusive thoughts, memories of past failures and intense self loathing. Now I feel about as bad as I have in months. I’m hoping this is a case of getting worse before I get better but it took so much effort to get into work today I feel completely drained.
Yeah you don’t have to be strong. Sometimes it’s ok to just let it all out and have a cry or have a little rage. Who gives a shit. Why do I need to be strong and keep it together?