Ok so I got a job that isn’t the dream but I get to talk about bacteria and it’s close to my house and pays ok. I literally feel like a fraud though and like I’ll get fired any second. I know I passed loads of interviews (4.5 hours worth ffs I was a wreck by the end) and am qualified and that but i just feel like an imposter when they’re consulting me about my opinion and asking me questions. Literally had this conversation:
Person: what does _____ mean
Me, suspiciously, wondering if I’m being tested: what does it mean??
Person: yes because I don’t know
Like I couldn’t believe someone was asking my opinion. I know objectively that I am an intelligent person worth consulting but the irrational and overpowering part is screaming I’M A FRAUD WHY HAVEN’T YOU FIRED ME YET IM A TERRIBLE WORKER. I mean I am a terrible worker, I’m on my phone right now instead of working and played about an hour of minesweeper and it’s my first week. It’s like I want them to warn me and tell me I’m shit so that thought is validated. Which is so fucked up. Worse yet, I can see it happening and know full well if I keep this up they will eventually sack me after a warning or two and that I’m taking the piss and don’t need to because I can just get on with the job and stop being a twat, and I can be good at it because I am good enough. But still, here I am. Hate my brain