How's your love life DiS?


#4131

I get what you mean, but do we ever grow out of doing silly things? Probably not, really
Yeah. Being drunk isn’t an excuse so to speak, but it’s certainly a factor. Especially if either of you have other stuff going on and it makes you more inclined to drink more and be a bit reckless.
We all do things that are out of character, you’re still the same person! Just a minor blip in the road. Have you spoken to the other person? Bet they’re feeling the same.
Promise you it’ll be grand in no time. Same as a hangover/beer fear really, let yourself cringe for a while, then make a joke of it and get on with life. It’ll be a funny story before you know it!


#4132

Eh, caved as it had been a week and simply asked how she was… had nothing in return, fuck this :confused:


#4133

Ok, it’s definitely over with Dublin girl, which deep down I knew already so I don’t feel too beat up about it anymore, this week actually kinda helped me get used to it


#4134

It’ll be fine. The not knowing is the worst bit. Onwards and upwards, buck.


#4135

Aye all good, got some fun stuff planned over the next couple weeks which will help! :slightly_smiling_face:


#4136

Just want to check that this wouldn’t be unreasonable behaviour…

I was seeing/in a relationship with someone and it moved really fast, and was really intense… what I mean to say is that we both acknowledged that it was a Real Thing, and meaningful. She described to me how in the last year she recovered from years of mental health trauma, and was doing really well. Until about 2 months ago, when something happened and she totally crashed in a bad way. At that point she said she couldn’t handle seeing me, needed time to herself etc etc… that’s a whole story and I’m not sure what any of it means myself, but it’s not relevant atm. I’m pretty sure she was being sincere and not just ghosting me, anyway. I’ve since spoken to her once, 5 weeks ago, and tried to message her over the weekend but noticed that she hasn’t been on WhatsApp since last Wednesday. I’ve also texted her, tried to add her as a friend on Facebook (which I never use), phoned her (straight to voicemail), tried to see if she was active on any other social media stuff (no). That in itself feels pretty stalkerish tbh.

I know there’s loads of reasons why she might not be responding/receiving my messages etc. But I can’t help being really worried that something has happened and that sense of worry is growing every day I don’t get a response. We don’t have any mutual friends, no one I would contact, but I have been to her house - she lives with her parents, though they haven’t been there at the time. Would it be okay for me to go to her house to find out if she’s okay? Either she, her parents or both could be in, I don’t know who’d answer the door (probably not her). My idea was that her mum would answer the door, I’d ask if x was about, she’d hopefully say yes or she’s just gone out or something, I’d say I didn’t want to bother her but just let her know I was asking after her cos I can’t get in contact through her phone. Or something.

I think it’s okay to do that, but I don’t want it to feel like a kind of invasion of privacy, and I also don’t want to give her parents the idea that something serious is going on if she hasn’t made them aware. And I imagine this is all a huge overreaction, but I’m hoping that it’s a reasonable overreaction for someone to have? I’m not just going mad?


#4137

Could you message a friend of hers on Facebook and explain why you’re concerned before going to the house? Maybe someone she had mentioned?


#4138

Thought about that but it has a similar effect really doesn’t it, except it’s even more explcit that I’m worried about her because Something is going on, cos why else would I message a friend of a friend out of the blue to get in contact with them


#4139

If you’ve still got something of hers take it round to give back.

No right or wrong way to do something like this. I’d hate someone coming round, but I don’t think most other people would. You know her better than us so it’s down to what she wants really.


#4140

Well this is part of the problem, I know her when her mental health is good, I don’t have any experience of her when it’s bad. I’m wondering if she’s bipolar but really I don’t have a clue. She would’ve said if she’d been diagnosed.

I guess I just want to know whether my thoughts about it all are stupid. I know it’s really easy to lose your mind about something when you’re just kinda fumbling in the dark trying to figure out what it all means, and letting your imagination run wild with it. Just wanna check I’ve not lost my mind.


#4141

If you know where she lives, maybe you could post a letter to there instead? Just ask her to let her know if she is ok because you are worrying.


#4142

I think I might drop a note through the door just letting her know that she was in my thoughts and that if she needed me, she knew where I was but that she can take all the time she needs. I don’t know whether turning up on the doorstep would be a good idea, I think if it was me taking time away, for whatever reason, I’d find that quite high pressure. Basically I’d leave the ball in her court to get in touch if and when she felt up to it. I realise that’s not necessarily an ideal resolution for you and isn’t likely to help your own thoughts though.

Edit - what @Flashinglight said way more succinctly than me.


#4143

what are you hoping to achieve by going to her house? what if you find out something you don’t want to (like either something really bad, or just that she’s recovering and didn’t want to see you)? i would make sure you’re clear on that first.

in all honesty, it does sound stalkerish and she may well see it that way - however i totally understand your impulse and would be having exactly the same debate with myself in your shoes

i think messaging a friend on facebook feels a bit less stalkerish simply because it’s much easier to do than turning up at her house, but you’d need to make sure i guess that it is actually a friend and not like, her boss, or someone she went to school with, or a really gossipy cousin who’ll tell her parents


#4144

The issue with leaving a note/letter is if I don’t get a reply it doesn’t necessarily mean anything - it could be that something has happened, or it could be that she’s just gone to stay somewhere. I probably won’t get a reply, and if so I wouldn’t be able to just leave it and I’d probably be a lot more anxious about the whole situation


#4145

Yeah I wouldn’t have a clue who to message tbh.


#4146

I might be the only one who think this but I think it’s perfectly acceptable to nip round to her house to check she’s alright. What’s the worst that can happen? She can either answer the door and say “yeah I was avoiding you” then at least you know and you can move on and not feel anxious, or her parents will answer and say yeah she moved to Iceland or she’s not in but she’s ok and you can leave a message to contact you.


#4147

the worst that can happen is that she could feel like she’s being harassed by someone she doesn’t want to see. obviously that’s not @still_here’s intention but i think it’s fair to consider her point of view and she has already not taken up several invitations to contact him


#4148

I’m not worried that she specifically doesn’t want to see me. I know that’s not why we’ve not been in contact, there’s a lot I don’t know rn but I at least know that


#4149

alright, let me rephrase a bit. she may not be up for seeing anyone, and having someone turn up at her house unexpectedly could make her feel harassed, especially as you’ve already made attempts at contacting her.

i’m not saying you shouldn’t do it (or should), i’m just giving a possible answer to @Isa’s rhetorical question about the worst that can happen if you go round there.

this would be doing my head in as well so i’m sorry you’re going through this


#4150

Yeah I think everything you’re saying is fair. Only thing is I don’t think she’s actually aware I’ve tried to contact her