I think Christmas is really for kids. It’s weird when you’re an adult. Obviously the run-up when you get a chance to go to a pub and meet up with your mates you’ve not seen for ages and have mulled wine is good; the time with the family is often so fraught, particularly Christmas Dinner.
I always thought it might improve having my own child and while it’s good when she likes her presents it also brings out the total shit in them and that’s quite upsetting.
Not sure how well it plays for kids now even because we no longer live in a sort of drip-feed society (which isn’t really a bad thing). Like when I was a kid part of the point of Christmas was getting to see all these films and specials while having no work to do etc. It’s not like that really matters now. And my daughter is just bitter that we can’t take off as much time as she has from school to spend it with her.
I’ve bought some Christmas presents for my wife. We’ve agreed to not go in for presents this year but obviously we have to have something. But they’re not good. I usually can find ONE thing that works but this year, especially with no longer having a city job on top of Covid worries, it’s just a nightmare to get any time to shop.
As ever I think it will just feel like A N Other period of time off from work in the end. Nothing special.
Is this the thread for reporting when you’ve recently been in the Christmas section of a department store and they’ve got one of those animatronic singing reindeer displays, but instead of a Christmas song they’re singing along to Radiohead’s Street Spirit?
I’m feeding the pets whilst my sister is away until the 27th
managed to force myself out of my mh prison to finally buy some bits earlier to stave off the guilt (though people won’t get anything until after Xmas)
I’ve got nothing in myself to give, really. not in a selfish way, rather that I have no give
also I’ve been asked what I want and I have no idea because I can barely manage to do anything rn, let alone enjoy anything, so any gifts will just join the pile-on of things I would have liked to enjoy but can’t
also I struggle with cards. a basic card feels so empty, so I feel all this pressure to do nice drawings or write something in cards.
even if I do, though, it’s no less empty. it’s almost worse as it’s disingenuous.
like the cosy/warm/glow amidst the cold. some nice food, getting a bit drunk in the middle of the day
everything curdles bitterly within me now. just a bullshit charade, the peak of denial/ignorance about the capitalist rot at the heart of the world + the horrible gaping disparity between the notions of goodwill and the cruel, selfish reality
if my life wasn’t so barren and painful, I might be able to participate in the collective hallucination. at least my goodwill would be deeply-rooted in suffering
Sounds like you are in a bad place just now. I’m sorry for that and hope things improve. Can understand how everything that goes on around Christmas can make it all seem worse when feeling that way.
I don’t know anyone in this place very well but even just going by what you’ve written here you seem a caring and giving person, whether it’s the small personal stuff (looking after pets & thinking about putting nice drawings or messages in cards) or the big stuff like wanting the world was a kinder, fairer place. Hope you can be kind to yourself too and find some things you enjoy to spend the time, not necessarily anything festive. I’m trying to get back into reading (have been hopeless on this for many years) and intending to curl up with a book for a fair bit of the next few days, maybe also try to catch up with podcasts I’ve been meaning to listen to for the past 6 months. Sorry, I wish I knew what is helpful to say in situations like this. Hopefully I’m not making things worse, and that someone else has something more useful to say.
