I hate it when you know the waiter is coming over with your food

So you try to act like you’ve not noticed and avoid catching their eye

Might just be me

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“They’re coming! Just.Act.Normal.”

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Imagine an hour long compilation video of people pretending to not notice the waiter coming over

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“Is this ours?”
“I don’t know because I’m not the waiter, the chef or a fucking mind reader you prick”

My dates tend not to go well.

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Oh thank fuck, thought it was just me.

Her Indoors is hugely prone to going 'ey up, is this ours?" and eyeballing what dishes the person is carrying to try and work it out. And I’m staring down at the table like “don’t make a scene ffs”

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When they’re about to put the food down, oh fuck, where do I put my hands? Where do I look? This is horrible.

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When they collect the plates I don’t like carrying on my conversation because I feel rude but also don’t like the deadly silence in case they think I’m judging their clearing up skills. I also try and stack the plates before they get there to save them a job but they just look at me like I’m the n00b I am

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I hate being “served” by people

So grim

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Always stack up the plates and then they restack them differently and fuck fuck fuck I’ve fucked it and ruined everything. I don’t like going to restaurants.

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It’s worse when they come back after 5 minutes to ask how the food is.

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No tip for the waiter tonight?

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Hate it when they sit down at your table and start stealing your chips. And if you ask them to stop suddenly you’re the unreasonable one

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Hate it when you order something, and then your left back scores an own goal under pressure from the opposition winger.

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‘Hi, can I take your order?’

‘Certainly, Blue > Pinkerton > Maladroit > Green >>>>>>the rest’

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“I’m so sorry sir that’s not really what I meant”

“I’m not sure you’re ready for my King of Limbs hot takes”

1 Like