I heard you opened a pub or eatery. What's it called?


What ales do you serve?


From left to right as you look at the bar:

Coming Soon (whenever last two go):




The Phoenix


The 24 Frets (it’s a live music pub)

Just this beer:


Really nice food

We serve really nice ales


10 kinds of lemonade


Free the Paedos


my pub would be called Soor Plooms and it would only serve sours and… soor plooms… OR alternatively just sour beers and plum based foods.

Don’t all come rushing in at once!!!


The Growers of Mushrooms.

All the beers have really lurid pictures on the taps, and names like “witches hat” and “pungent effluents” and “midnight ritual”. But there’s also a few cheap and pissy American lagers, and a few crisp and refreshing Spanish ones, because that’s what I drink.

There’s loads of snugs and booths and nooks and crannies and what have you, making the place feel cavernous yet cosy. The music is amazing and there’s live bands now and then. The place is definitely haunted and someone gives tarot readings in the corner (me). There’s a huge gnarly oak in the beer garden that people talk about like it’s an old regular. “Old Green Man” they call it.

There’s a hand of glory in the corner that nobody’s allowed to touch.


Washing machine in the middle of the room


just rhubarb flavoured stuff


I have to say Bermuda Joe’s is one of the worst beers I’ve ever had.


Guinness Extra Cold
John Smiths


i love Rhubarb so much


A friend and I have considered opening a micropub in Caterham as there’s only one pub and there’s a definite market for it.

We’d probably just call it “The Bourne”, based on a historic underground river that runs underground.


The food would involve vast mountains of melted cheese in various forms. The drinks would be flavoured gins and cocktails that don’t require a small mortgage. Beer would not be on sale. Lots of comfy seats, music not too loud. Lots of friendly cats.

Will come back to you on the name.

Edit: and there’ll be bowls of chocolate fruit cremes on every table.


Wok Au Van.

It’s a mobile pop-up French-east-Asian fusion place.


The balonz


pub: director’s cut

house ale: the saucy brewer (made this up)

house wine: fuck off m9

house burger: the DOMINATOR