I keep getting emails meant for an Australian Freemason

I assume we have the same name (we definitely have the same first name, as the emails all start with “Hi [name]”) and either we have very similar email addresses that people are confused, or he’s a berk and is giving out his own email address wrong. I’ve also had emails meant for him about property searches and tax returns.

The latest one is the best though, contains a confidential document with details of his latest high-level initiation. Like, FFS lads, for a secret society, you’re not doing a very good job.

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let’s see


FFS, really thought this was a setup for a decent punchline.


Brother gunslinger,

Post it on the internet, obviously.

I was approached to join the masons a couple of months ago, sounds kinda cool. Like the Knights Templar or whatever.

Woke up to ~20 emails and notifications that my Apple ID is being used to sign-in at locations in China, and Moscow, and Tallahassee, and other places I’ve never been. Gulp.

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Nah, the dude who messaged me seemed like a good lad, very friendly, imagining a nice old dude. Wished me (well, other me) well with his baby and stuff.

I had a quick look obviously, and it’s totally inscrutable.

My ex’s dad was well into the masons and kept trying to recruit me. It’s an old boy’s club for sad, lonely men.

Sign me up!


Just send Maosm a pm ffs

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The freema0sms



you’d have been right at home!

yeeeeeeeeeeeeees, there you are

I keep getting emails about some schools American football league team and their practice sessions as well as American cop jobs.

classic [name]

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Got a load of emails for Thurston Moore last year. I nicked his name for a Facebook URL years ago and people were sending emails thinking he used an @facebook.com address.


They made me sing the British national anthem at the one thing I let him drag me to. Ahm oot.

Got another tax return for this guy yesterday, so I looked up people with my name in Australia and sent him a message. He replied and it turns out he has the same email address as me, except his also had his middle initial. Forwarded some stuff on. Seems like a nice guy, though I’m sure he must be partly responsible for all the fuck ups. Still, a successful ending to the saga.