#338

No irkage on my part. All depends on the people involved. But also one must view it from the other side of if you’re pigheaded about the pursuit of your own interests above you and your partner’s collective interest then… that’s probably the worst problem in this scenario of all.

#341

As ever, all roads lead to ‘depends on the people involved’ don’t it.

Can always spectacularly backfire though. Mate of mine just started seeing a girl and he explained how he’s an ardent Liverpool fan and that most weekends he would carve out the required time to watch the Liverpool game. She binned him off on the spot. Like genuinely “ok that’s not going to work so I’m off”.

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#343

I very nearly once dumped a boyfriend for saying that he thought Billy Liar was a boring film. Only very nearly but not quite, though.

#344

Yeah he was up front and so was she. Fair play.

What is intriguing though is what was it about it that she wouldn’t countenance. Was it the fact that for a couple of hours each weekend he wanted to do something else, or was it the fact that football was the thing that he said he wanted to do instead? Either way - it’s good that people know what they want.

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#345

Because like if they’ve not got any hobbies, they’re probably gonna wanna be hanging about me all the time and I’m gonna get annoyed or have to put my hobbies on the backbench to essentially become their hobby.
Also if we’re doing everything together, we’re gonna have no time apart to have anything to chat about.

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#346

explains why you’ve not been going then

#347

I can definitely appreciate this point, I suppose my personal experience of this, is not entirely dissimilar to the so called shy Tory phenomena that was mentioned awhile back. Where on the surface at least the differences between people of different party affiliations are not necessarily apparent and to some degree only partly representative of what someone actually believes.

Anecdotally I’ve not spoken to that many people who voted Tory who were that outspoken about their political opinions, which made me ponder whether many people who vote for mainstream parties are actually that politically engaged at all and as such unlikely to actually campaign for either party.

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#349

Out of interest was the main problem here that she wasn’t a fan of football or that she wasn’t a fan of Liverpool FC?

#350

I know a couple where the man has hobbies and the girl does not have hobbies so the girl follows the man to his hobby and sits and waits while he does his hobby

I’d be like seriously fuck off this is my thing

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#351

Did he go to the game or did he just watch it on TV?
Cause that’s really not a lot of time at the weekend, is it? 2 hours max?

She obviously doesn’t have a hobby or anything to do during that time.

I also think its an insecurity thing? Like how dare they want to do something by themselves when they COULD be seeing me. That would be a massive see you later for me.

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#352

We don’t know. We just don’t know.

#353

tbf though, if he has to watch the match then it could change things…

want to go to the lakes this weekend… only if we can watch the match.
holiday abroad… only during the off season/if we can find a pub to watch the match.
friends birthday party, please come with me… sorry match is on.

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#354

also the girl in the couple doesn’t allow him to do his hobby as much as he would like and therefore is like “no he’s only allowed to go once at the weekend” and is very shocked that I “ALLOW” my bf to go to golf on Friday eve, Saturday morning and Sunday morning if thats what he wants to do.

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#355

Yeah that’s one element of it. I personally would hate that.

#356

that sounds awful

#357

This is kind of a tricky one, as with some folks, particularly academics I’d imagine there’s probably a fair bit of crossover between their job and their hobby.

I sometimes wonder if there’s a sometimes a fairly arbitrary line that we (not DiS just people in general) draw when we classify something as a hobby.

#358

I dunno. Like I said there’s a precondition of this that the other person has to be compromising. Because if they’re like “I’m not going to your sister’s wedding because it’s the League Cup Final” then I don’t think anyone should put up with that. All a scale isn’t it.

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#359

the fact that you’re mentioning it up front as well makes you look like a fucking bellend. like aye if you like watching football fair enough, not my thing but crack on. if you’re making a thing out of it that early it’s a bit of a red flag

#360

Maybe i’m just too relaxed about these things, even though I despise football?
In that I was ok with my bf waking up super early in Sri Lanka to watch and important Liverpool game (dunno which one don’t ask me)

Let people live their lives ffs whats the big deal
Fair enough like important social things like weddings but normal weekends and stuff, just do it and i’ll be doing something else thanks bye

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#361

Nah, it’s the sort of thing people can have an issue with so it makes perfect sense to bring it up early doors so you can nip it in the bud if it’s not gonna work.

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