If Japes was getting married at the weekend and we were all invited (pretty sure we would be) what would you buy him?


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Custom (initialled) his ‘n’ hers shitting vest or Oxford shirt

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Tickets for him and his wife (or husband… I’m not judging!) to see The Wedding Present at Aldershot West End Centre next month.


He’s going not going to be happy about that!

I wonder if @ttf is going

he’s not rsvp’d

He’s going to be able to build a cabin with the number of logs he’ll be getting.

A new bin!

£50 - standard.

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Electric wall-mounted can opener

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Four slice toaster with one of those bagel rack bits

I got a bin for my wedding.

Book token


I do allow all the family to use it.

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Probably wouldn’t show up. Nothing personal, chief.

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his and hers casquettes

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A tandem.

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Classic punch up at a Scottish wedding.

We were watching “Don’t Tell The Bride” yesterday. Bloke proposed kneeling next to his kitchen bin. Then he arranged for them to get married in a maze, where the bride had to walk through, passing milestones of their relationship, one of which was a bin (which contained a Mr Bean impersonator).

He also made her do paintballing on her hen do.

I have not made any of this up.

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Could you please tell me who is on my table?

(this totally works)