If you were holding auditions for new friends

… what would be the top 5 key qualifying criteria?

Rest of OP snipped at poster’s request

  • Compassionate
  • Funny
  • Not a Tory
  • At least willing to try new cultural things
  • Willing to listen to me complain about my life near constantly

Not a Tory
Reasonably well off
Likes craft beer
Properly likes football (not a stats wanker)
Outgoing but not as outgoing as me as I don’t want them stealing my heat

  • are you a nice person
  • are you easy to talk to
  • do you make me laugh

That’s all I want


Treats friends well
Treats women well
Treats themselves well
Funny and easy to talk to

Not sure how many of these I actually fulfil haha

I just need people I can chat shit with in the pub and at gigs - some shared interests in music/ film etc plus a willingness to indulge me while I overshare a bit

Plus no Tories obvs.

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need to be artistic and incredibly intelligent, good looking but not more so than me, preferably poor, no drugs or wacky humour, not too positive, cynical and smell nice.

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Can’t have any old pond scum scuffing up the Merc.

More thinking they can buy me a pint when I’m skint tbh

Be nice to me
Be funny with me
Likes food
Likes to do new things
Would want to go on a weekend away with me

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Is there going to be a reboot then? I’d have a post-divorce Ross buy the coffee shop and be endlessly but affectionately confused by his young clientele. Cancelled mid-season


why do they have to be good looking


i don’t really know what i’m looking for in a friend, apart from the obvious stuff like nice person, good sense of humour, etc.

two friends chatting about anything and everything, at total ease with each other is one of life’s great pleasures, we could all do with more of it

  • New Ross

  • New Chandler

  • New Rachel

  • New Monica

  • New Joey


Heating engineer, plumber, electrician, joiner, mechanic.


Do you have friends who are tories?

  • Yes
  • No - and never will
  • No - but not against it

0 voters

Acquaintances, not close friends