Imagine going to a Michelin starred restaurant

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and squirting tomato ketchup on all of your dishes. Would be funny.

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i’m definitely doing this on my next visit to a michelin starred restaurant

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I’ll pop down The Fat Duck tomorrow and try it out

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Remember when everyone at the fat duck one night got the shits?

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Yeah

Think it was norovirus in the oysters? Mightve imagined that though

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Yeah it was

240 people, even worse than I remember

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Including Jim Rosenthal

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Imagine asking to give compliments to the chef and this guy walks out

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I’ve been to about half a dozen michelin star restaurants and some of them have been really really good and fun, but they’ve never served me anything that’s just pure nice as some big mac sauce or a twister ice lolly

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I’ve never been to one me

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For me that egg’s done nothing wrong

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what sort of food do you like?

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Hot and sour soup

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also this is definitely a thing that posh people do

like, there’s people who just treat £70 quid lunches as the same as getting a subway and will get chips and bbq sauce on the side if they feel like it

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Imagine going to a Harvester and squirting foie gras on your Ultimate Mixed Grill

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Remember the time I went to the silly really expensive restaurant in France and I wore my Nirvana t-shirt and baggy jeans to try and be subversive and annoy the poshos there (fucking lol)

Turns out i was one of the smartest men in the room, the toffs were all just lounging around in vests and flip-flops and stuff because they really dgaf about how they are perceived.

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Imagine Bon Iver going to a Michellin Star restaurant and it being fully booked

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My initial thought was that you’d have to bring your own, but the more I think about it the more I think they would happily bring you some if you asked, although it would be a really bizarre thing to do with any of their dishes (which would already have sauces on).

My recollection is that the service there was the most unflappable you could possibly imagine. Every time I got up to go and have a piss they refolded my napkin before I came back.

The table next to us didn’t eat any food at all, they just knocked back bottles of champagne all evening.