Imagine if you sponsored an animal at a zoo

and in the letter you get that’s supposed to be from the animal its just low level banter about the rivals of the zoo’s local football team.


Would fucking love it if there was a zoo in Plymouth so I could get letters from a penguin slagging off Exeter City.


I sponsored a golden lion tamarin at marwell by opening my nationwide account. Definitely long dead now mind.

How long do they live?

You could ask them nicely at Living Coasts, but Torquay are a bit too lowly to engage in any proper rivalry

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No they’d definitely be up for it. Argyle and Torquay are united by a mutual hatred of them pricks up the A38.

  • i knew what this was
  • i didn’t know what this was

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Sounds more like a fruit than an animal.

thought it was a fish

…well he’s here tonight!

audience cheer wildly, emo looks shocked and delighted


A friend once sponsored me a goat at Spitalfields City Farm. Went to see it once, it just stared at me suspiciously.


No idea. I was a terrible adoptive father. I was only like 14 though.

Apparently around 14 years so even if it was newborn it would be 19 years now

If you sponsor an animal does it have to wear a shirt with your name on it all the time?

‘You think I couldn’t survive without your pity money punk?’

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Remember in the olden days if you wanted sponsorship for something you were doing you’d have to go round knocking on neighbours doors?

Imagine a lion doing that.


and later, a movie too


Hi Eric. Wassup?

Why does Spitalfields sound really familiar to me?