Forget to do stuff
Fire anyone who finds this infuriating.
I don’t even care if you’re their boss, just fire them.
I monopolise the work sound system and make my fellow staff & our valued customers listen to Stereolab, Spiritualized, Panda Bear, Joanna Newsom, The War On Drugs, Boards of Canada, Sigur Ros, Rufus Wainwright, Tortoise and other workplace-friendly yet obscurantist (to the general public) indie/electronica, plus some dub when I’m in the mood. It’s either that or George Ezra again
I’m An Office Worker!
yeah i wander off to the toilet, treat myself to a sit down pee while i browse my phone, and the next thing i know i appear to be doing yet another shit
We have the makings of a cultural phenomenon here
anyway i imagine the most infuriating thing i do is not doing any work
used to regularly eat pungent hot food at my desk - garlic chicken thighs, pasties, microwave meals, the lot.
fucking love it.
Once a week I have tinned mackerel and microwaved uncle Ben’s rice for lunch. Stinks the office out but I eat quick and go straight back to wash the plate.
The cyclists among us at work have discussed putting together for a heated clothes horse to hang our minging lycra on during the wet winter months.
We have an ‘open office landscape’ with no fixed places but no one else ever sits in MY place
Pretty sure it must annoy people that I’m always there first
Alert people as they’re leaving to the rubbish or coffee cups they were about to leave on the desk they’ve been sat at (the joys of hot desking)
Readjust basically all the equipment on every desk i sit at - lower the monitor, lower the brightness on the monitor, get rid of the chair to replace it with mine, unplug the minging communal mouse and keyboard and shove them to the back
being better at the job than almost anybody else in the office yet barely doing enough to meet the minimum targets
Recall a colleague once microwaved fish for lunch and it stank out the entire office. Unfortunately he had a head cold at the time so he couldn’t even smell it. He was only alerted by all the emails going around asking if anyone could smell fish.
Listening to headphones 90% of the time and not being able to hear people trying to get my attention. The managing director has a horn that he honks specifically to get my attention.
I… nope, nothing.
I’m a perfect l’il angel
Wander into different parts of the building start chatting to everyone and generally disrupt everything when i’m bored in the guise of “building relationships”
I think I’m an audible nose breather