I've been personally hand picked!


#1

Get in there – we’ve specially handpicked you to enjoy Sky Sports at no extra cost, from today and for the next 6 weeks.

We’ve already added the Sky Sports channels to your line-up, so the only finger you’ll need to lift is the one that finds ‘sport’ on your Virgin TV box. You won’t be charged a penny to watch these extra channels, and if you don’t want the channels at the end of the 6 weeks, they’ll automatically come off your package.

So you can make the most of the first fixtures of the New Year, we’ll email soon with more details about your Sky Sports freebie. How’s that for a strong start to 2017.

(I want them in HD, you fucking pricks, I’m not an animal!)


#3

Thought this was going to be a thread about being scouted to be a hand model.

Diss. A. Point. Ed


#4

I don’t know but it fucking disgusts me, sketches.


#6

Beyonce Knowles emailed me once to tell me about some cheap viagra she had found. There was a link in the email and everything - it was really helpful.


#7

I didn’t even know that she had a willy!


#8

*jobbed


#9

I assumed it was just a result of her wide internet searchs for generic pharmaceutical products.


#10


#11

A promoter I know got a message from someone who had hacked Gillian Welch’s account (he’s never met or spoken to her before), asking if he would look after a suitcase of money (?) for her in London as she was having some touring difficulties (?) and she would collect it in a few weeks. He messaged back saying yes of course (he’s a big fan) but would she play a house concert for him and all his friends when she arrived? Yes, the hacker said. He then related this story on Facebook and after a few people said “errr mate” (these people were vastly outnumbered by people asking if they could come to the concert) he pretended that he knew all along and he was posting it for a laugh.


#12

Like the many times I’ve won the Dutch Lottery. I never even entered.