I've started keeping a record of stupid things people say

scenes
nonsense
whatdidyousay
thiscannotbereal
mybrainhurts

#1

…rather than just thinking ‘that’s really dumb’ and forgetting about it.

had an absolute classic this weekend from a friend, that will comfortably get into the top 250 dumbest things I’ve ever heard:

'if you’re not comfortable enough to walk up to a girl and ask her for a date, then you’re not ready to start dating’ wow…just wow

last weekend, a friend of a friend said:

'I don’t like animals’ man, this is pushing the top ten, no problem. laugh about this at least 4 times a week

this gem from 2014, good friend of mine:

‘fuck me, books are boring, aren’t they’ boy oh boy, the collective sigh in the room that night was something to behold. this cracker has been in the number one for two solid years. gonna have to be something very special to knock this beast off the top spot.

kin hell man. gonna have to dedicate a whole chapter of my memoirs to this nonsense.

thanks for reading and watch yer backs. I’m happy to use anything YOU say in my top 250

cheers


#2

was at a friends cooking on his electric hob a couple of weeks ago*. was doing a simple tomato sauce, linguine and broccoli.

asked him if he had a steamer - no

asked him if he had a collander for makeshift steamer - yes, but it’s plastic

asked him if he had more than two pans - yes, but the other one was caked in 2 day old porridge

told him I’d chuck the broccoli in with the pasta

his reply - “I’m not eating pasta with that disgusting green broccoli juice”

this person is a fully functioning adult with a well paid job and a nice head of hair


#3

*cooking on electric is the pits


#4

Fuckin’ right Silkz, electric hobs can do one. Have turned down perfectly good renting opportunities because they had electric hobs.


#5

would you move a zone further out for a gas hob dude?


#6

Hmm, would have a real impact on my commuting costs but I’d have to consider it if I’d exhausted all other affordable zone 2 options.


#7

s’all about the gas, maaaaaaan


#8

Church


#9

A few years back someone said “You know that mental hospital they used to send people in Victorian times, and now they use it to describe chaos, i.e. “Absolute Bodmin” [meaning ‘Bedlam’]”


#10

Something about how people’s brains work


#11

Nice.