I tried speed dating for the first time. I’ve been awake since last Wednesday
A really high quality CGI animation about a Glaswegian who gets roped into parking cars at work even though they can’t drive.
Ah Cannae Valet
This would work better if Dizzy Gillespie was the lead singer of Primal Scream.
A famous jazz trumpeter goes to his doctor and complains that he can’t stand up straight. The doctor says, “Don’t worry about it, you’re just Dizzy, Gillespie.”
Something about Wimbledon, Venus and serena and an American playwright
The punchline is Tennisey Williams
Have you heard about that new play? A Streetcar Named…Venus, is it? No, Serena I think.
It must be one or the other, as it’s Tennessee Williams.
Years ago I had a friend who was into birdwatching, and from chatting to him I stumbled upon the nugget that were British birds called Wheatears and Chiffchaffs. “Well,” I said, “that should sort the wheatears from the chiffchaffs!”
For ten years or so I have been searching for a set-up worthy of this punchline.
When I was a lad, my father was the finest battery salesman in the land. He was beloved by his customers and his staff, and I knew that one day he would hand his business over to me. However, his brother was a jealous man, and had him killed in a horrendous accident. He vowed that I would never take on the family business, and so I left, finding myself happy drifting through life, getting high and chilling out with a bunch of other relaxed bros.
My peace was shattered one afternoon when a girl I used to go to school with showed up out of nowhere, and announced that the battery business was in terrible trouble - the staff were being mistreated, the customers were unhappy, and they wanted me to come and take over the board. I initially didn’t want to leave my life of ease, but I was convinced by her argument and, joined by my new friends, I set out to see what I could do about my uncle.
I was dismayed when we arrived back at the offices - everything was in disarray, and my uncle was just lolling around in my father’s old chair, content to let his new employees push everyone around. I threw him out, having found my father’s old will that declared that I was the rightful inheritor of the business. As I sat down in the old black swivel char that had been my fathers, I felt a great sense of contentment that I was, again, at last, and forever, the Li-Ion King.
How long do you reckon before you find one?
I don’t care if it takes me another ten years, I will not rest until I find it.
Reminds me of that joke about Humphrey Bogart and the lead singer of The Strokes.
Initially thought ‘tl:dr’ and then against my better judgement went back and read it. Probably my biggest regret ever now
I was proud of one thing; that, as a joke. That alone. No, that is forever.
That’s a favourite of mine, but with the punchline “the comedown was terrible”
this made me think of an idea for a joke about sonic the hedgehog going speed dating which I really do not like whatsoever
Totally unprepared for that awful joke.
don’t think I was ever ready to be honest
I am very happy it has gone over so well
It was bad, but it wasn’t totally unenduracell
Something about being arrested by the “grammar police” and conjunctional visits
So, you’ve fought in eight separate military campaigns across six countries and have been specifically commended for your bravery.
What do you want: a medal?