Jokes workshop


three ducks walk into a pub.

[something something]

drake on the jukebox

^that’s all i’ve got


Are they in a row? This is important.


Excuse me HMV employee, where can i find air on the g string?


or Arnie is arguing about being cast in a film about a baroque composer and no


ARNIE: Guess who is my favourite member of the famed Bach family?
ARNIE: Guess again!
ARNIE: Which one?
BYSTANDER: Um, Johann Christoph Friedrich?
ARNIE: Try again!
BYSTANDER: Johann Christian?
BYSTANDER: That’s all the Bachs I know and I’ve got an appointment, are you going to tell me or not?
ARNIE: I.B Bach.
BYSTANDER: Fuck off.


I was asking this Jamaican sprinter what his favourite pixar film was.
He says "That one with the dog and the hamster in a ball."
I say “You sayin’ Bolt?”


Putin calling Trump right now: “I said North of Crimea.”


My friends are doing a sit-up marathon for charity, it’s all for good cores


bunch of orthodox jewish lads walk into a rave through those wild west swing doors.

tension in the air, the camera cuts between the jewish lads’ and the ravers’ eyes scoping each other out.

someone shouts “HASSID” and they all smile and have a dance?


My late friend had a business for delivering chickpea paste by hand and she’s just won a posthummus award for it


i had a joke to post in here but then i realised i’d plagiarised it from @Aggpass

(this is not a joke)


I still laughed. At you.


Which one?


something about paypal infallibility


I’m already laughing!


a classic, tbf


God, don’t you just love that irresistible, pheremoney smell that you always get from brilliant tech entrepreneurs?

Elon Musk.


That tech billionaire smelt strange after I put a long thin fish on him.

Yes, that’s classic eel-on musk


Man A - “Do you know what sporadic means?
Man B -” Every now and again"
Man A - “How about today?”

Not sure whether it needs the third line or whether you leave it hanging after the second one.


“no, i dont know what that means, sorry”