#50

Not me, but once at school the headteacher covered one of our lessons and clearly couldn’t be arsed to do anything proper, so we just had a relaxed half hour. Then he asked a bunch of people to tell him their best joke. Everyone sensibly went for the least offensive joke in their (13 year old boys) repertoire, which were all very safe and unfunny. Then Tom Barry completely froze and went for:

Why did Princess Diana cross the road?
Because she wasn’t wearing a seatbelt.

audible inhalation through the room, so painful

3 Likes
#51

massive one just before Christmas: asked someone if they were coming to the office xmas dinner and they replied that they ‘didn’t really celebrate christmas’ in what I perceived to be quite a lighthearted way. so I’m like ‘LOL SCROOGE’ and he’s like ‘ah, no, i’m a Jehovas Witness’.

don’t think my face has been more red. maybe that time I tried to evacuate the floor at work when the fire alarm went to signal the start of a minutes silence on remembrance day, actually.

5 Likes
#52

years ago when a (gay) guy was joke-complaining about having to move desks so often I said “aw you’re like the littlest hobo” (referencing https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Littlest_Hobo) and he looked shocked and offended and I realised WAY TOO MUCH LATER that he’d misheard me.

8 Likes
#53

A friend very drunkenly at a party told/slurred a joke to 2 non drinking Scottish, half jewish attractive women about how copper wire was invented, 2 Scots fighting over a penny. When they didnt laugh they followed up with ’ you know there like the Jews got a reputation for being good with money’ It mortifies me to this day!

#54

Yeah, otherwise it’s a fucking brilliant joke!!!

1 Like
#55

Good joke, though.

2 Likes
#56

Well ok it wasn’t a massive joke or anything - but it was lighthearted banter.

God I hate you.

#57

This is no way for me to go into the weekend…

#58

You did this. YOU.

#59

did a really cringy australian accent to some australians in the queue for a club just before christmas too. was massively pissed, in my defence.

#60

Did you have a g’day though?

#61

left about an hour later and bought a burger king. so, I guess.

I think I said something like “ORWWRIGHT MATES!!! HOWS REMSEY STREET?!”. It was fucking awful.

2 Likes
#63

:disappointed:

you wearing pants today, man?

#65

:grimacing:

1 Like
#66

Just remembered another one there and it’s the type that I had genuinely repressed for about 3 years

#67

G’wan

#68

I know it’s a cop out but I just can’t, I already have enough of a low standing on this place

#69

One pro-Brexit colleague. After the Unilever thing, I left an empty jar of Marmite on his desk. He didn’t find it at all funny, then I thought a) it was a shit joke and b) I don’t like upsetting anyone. So yeah, massive twat.

1 Like
#70

Made a joke about a picture a bit like this to a group of literature students, thought it would go down a treat.

Joke: Il n’ya pas de horse text

badum-tsh.

#71

Nah mate that’s strong banter, go with your instinct