Jokes you remember from school


#1

What you get if you cross Dire Straits with Chris Rea?

Diarrhoea! (Dire/Rea)


#2

Sultans of Christmas


#3

What if Whoopi Goldberg married Gerard Depardieu… WHOOPI DOOPIDOO


#4

Money for Auberge! :joy::joy::joy::joy::joy::joy::joy::joy::joy::joy::joy:

Classic!


#5

There was a guy called David Trimble, he would get congratulated on his nobel peace prize. That’s not really a joke though.


#6

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Doctor…


#7

My daughter’s favourite joke at the moment:

Knock Knock?
Who’s there?
Granny.
Granny who?
Granny knock knock.
Who’s there?
Granny.
Granny who?
Granny knock knock.
Who’s there?
Granny.
Granny who?
Granny knock knock.
Who’s there?
Granny.
Granny who?
Granny knock knock.
Who’s there?
Granny.
Granny who?
Granny knock knock.
Who’s there?
Aunty.
Aunty who?
Aunty-you glad there’s no more grannies?!


#8

Similar one also with Banana knock knock… then
Orange.
Orange who?
Orange you glad there’s no more bananas?!


#9

she is going to LOVE the jamaica cakes gags


#10

Three friends by the names Fuckoff, Shit, and Manners go for a walk but Shit gets run over. So Fuckoff goes to look for help when he finds a policeman He tells him what happened and the Cop says “Slow down pal, Whats your name?” “Fuckoff” he replies. The policeman says “Where’s your manners?” The reply came back “Round the corner, picking shit up off the road”


#11

If your hands bigger than your face you’ve got cancer…Boom! broken nose


#13

-Ich sage: meine Frau hat Beine wie Ofenrohre .
-Was so schwarz?
-Nein so dick.

Our German teacher Mr Anglesea loved this joke…


#14

Oh yeah, I was going for the ones that you’d not be ashamed re-telling in 2016. If that’s none of them then fair enough


#16

Yikes, yep! We all love and learn


#17

Dropped your gay card.


#18

Someone thought it was funny to let my tyres down on my car at college.

Joke was on them when i smashed them round the common room and dragged them outside to pump them back up


#19

Knock Knock?
Who’s there?
Europe
Europe who?
No, Europe who!


#20

alright Farage


#21

So there’s these three old men talking about their aches, pains and bodily functions


#22

I Don’t wake up until 9!