she is going to LOVE the jamaica cakes gags

Three friends by the names Fuckoff, Shit, and Manners go for a walk but Shit gets run over. So Fuckoff goes to look for help when he finds a policeman He tells him what happened and the Cop says “Slow down pal, Whats your name?” “Fuckoff” he replies. The policeman says “Where’s your manners?” The reply came back “Round the corner, picking shit up off the road”

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If your hands bigger than your face you’ve got cancer…Boom! broken nose

-Ich sage: meine Frau hat Beine wie Ofenrohre .
-Was so schwarz?
-Nein so dick.

Our German teacher Mr Anglesea loved this joke…

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Oh yeah, I was going for the ones that you’d not be ashamed re-telling in 2016. If that’s none of them then fair enough

Yikes, yep! We all love and learn

Dropped your gay card.

Someone thought it was funny to let my tyres down on my car at college.

Joke was on them when i smashed them round the common room and dragged them outside to pump them back up

Knock Knock?
Who’s there?
Europe
Europe who?
No, Europe who!

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alright Farage

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So there’s these three old men talking about their aches, pains and bodily functions

I Don’t wake up until 9!

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Better Whoopi Goldberg marry Gerard Depardieu than Peter Cushing!

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@colon_closed_bracket dominating as I enter the thread:

I remember the really long lame shaggy dog story ones ending in
“… never cross the road while the green man’s flashing”
and
“… 9 out of 10 tramps prefer cornflakes”

Or something like that.

Years later I was told a tortuous one that ended with “…so Hans that does dishes can be soft as Gervais with mild-green hairy lipped squids”.

Yeah. School jokes are shit.

woah http://drownedinsound.com/community/boards/social/4479306#r9075374

It’s my thread! I’m allowed to boss it.

And yes: this one (from a website that looks like it was built in the mid-90s:

http://www.danggoodjokes.com/loan/

Of course you may! :slight_smile:
That site wants to download a lot of shit to my computer, FWIW.

Ah shit. I hope it’s not downloaded any to my work PC. This is the (awful, awful) joke anyway

A frog goes into a bank, and hops up on the desk of the loan officer. ‘‘Hi,’’ he croaks.’‘What’s your name?’‘
The loan officer says, ‘‘My name is John Paddywack. May I help you?’’
’‘Yeah,’’ says the frog. ‘‘I’d like to borrow some money.’‘
The loan officer finds this a little odd, but gets out a form. ‘‘Okay,what’s your name?’‘
The frog replies, ‘‘Kermit Jagger.’’
’‘Really?’’ says the loan officer. ‘‘Any relation to Mick Jagger?’’
’‘Yeah, he’s my dad.’’
’‘Hmmm,’’ says the loan officer. '‘Do you have any collateral?’'
The frog hands over a pink ceramic elephant and asks, ‘‘Will this do?’‘
The loan officer says, ‘‘Um, I’m not sure. Let me go check with the bank manager.’’
’‘Oh, tell him I said hi,’’ adds the frog. '‘He knows me.’'
The loan officer goes back to the manager and says, '‘Excuse me, sir, but there’s a frog out there named Kermit Jagger who wants to borrow some money. All he has for collateral is this pink elephant thing; I’m not even sure what it is.’'
The manager says: ‘‘It’s a knick-knack, Paddywack, give the frog a loan; his old man’s a Rolling Stone.’’

Nice. I actually think I may have mentioned it on there before. Was half-expecting you to find an identical post from me.

Ha, yeah I just denied the downloads and read it. Interestingly (?) it’s not actually exactly the same as that version.