Jokes you've made that will never get the recognition they deserve


Called my baby son Vladimir Pukin this morning after his daily protest against me leaving for work in a clean shirt. No one around to give me due applause. Now it’s a potentially long wait until I find the time to deploy it in front of a reasonable audience without wasting or overcooking it somehow.



Still pissed off my knock knock Europe joke doesn’t get more traction. People just stop after Europe and go ‘ah right’ FUCKING FINISH IT OFF YOU DICKS!


Joke would be on you anyway mate



I properly ‘did’ CG in a thread a couple of years ago but I had to ask for it to be deleted due to circumstances at the time. Shame that.


Where do Londoners apply for jobs?





Hundreds mate


made what I thought was a pretty great joke about anohni on twitter ages ago. 2 favs.


Nah the joy ok the joke is shouting ‘NO EUROPE WHO!’ as they’re answering :sunglasses:


what was the joke?


At some family event, my uncle was at the bar settling the bill handing over a wad of cash, but just had a single glass of wine in front of him and i go ‘blimey, what year is that?’


was pretty gutted I couldn’t go to that festival, but when I saw anohni had been added to the lineup I thought “aw naw, anohni’s on an aw noo”




old work colleague was telling another work colleague how to spell his surname ‘Timoney’ by saying “T.I. Money” and i said “is that your rap name?”

got a laugh but i think it deserved a round of applause as well.


6/10 i reckon




well, yeah, it’s a friday so i’m feeling kind!