Just lost my job designing temporary tattoos


Got made redundant from the bridal shop, so had to begin selling my organs for funds.
They had my guts for garters.


Quit my job as a skydiving instructor but at least I jumped before I was pushed


I heard all premiership ref’s are being laid off to pave the way for video technology.
I think that’s a bridge to VAR


Lost my job fixing vintage Citroëns after they found out I lied on my 2CV

This isn’t even close to working, I know


I’ve quit my job as a hotel housekeeper.

I’ve made my bed and now I must lie in it.


Did you hear about the potato merchant with no grip? They had to give him the sack.


You have to put a backslash before each so it doesn’t think you’re turning italics on and off.


I’ve repeatedly tried to quit my job as a Sicilian magnet manufacturer

But whenever I thought I was out, they pull me back in again


Lost my job making counterfeit cash

It’s ok though, the money wasn’t great.


Picked up a new job picking vegetables for salads. Backbreaking work but worth it for the extra celery


Lost my job avoiding adverbs

Now it’s onwards and upwards!


Quit my job working at a flair cocktail bar.

My boss is a tosser


kin ell


some of these have been genuinely ban worthy


Take it to the joke workshop.

Maybe something around der Chevvo?


The Dire Straights cover band I was representing let me go after they realised all I wanted was money for nothing


Lost my job making increasingly small passport photos.

I guess, in the end, my face didn’t fit.


Got a job working for a carpenter doing the measurements for doorframes and cupboards and that. The money’s shite but I love working out doors.


Just got a new job installing an imaginery front door.

Can’t knock it.


Lost my job as a floatation tank supervisor.

It’s my own fault, they told me not to go making waves.