Just lost my job designing temporary tattoos




Got a job at a pharmacy. The work is a bit dull but the sign’s a big plus


Lost my job watching Meryl Streep films due to emotional issues.

The Hours got to me.


quit my job as a manager at disneyland

it was a real mickey mouse operation




Just got sacked from my job on the waltzers. I’m thinking of suing them under the Employment Rights Act 1986


Was convicted for murder but the judge gave me community service. It’s a job for life.
(for as in in exchange for)
(life as in a life sentence)
Someone remind Theo where the ban button is.


My bosses at the aviary were constantly telling me what to do with the ravens and other birds of the genus Corvus.

My crow managers, eh?


I don’t i(n)sco


I quit my job as captain of a tug boat.

Was fed up being expected to tow the line.


I got let go from my job in the haulage industry; they’re taking things in another direction.


Got hounded out of my job in the reptile house at London Zoo. Phew-weee that place is a real snake pit!




I heard the only animal they have left is a small dog with long white fur.

It’s a shih tzu.



Quit my job at a new business who bore tunnels.

It’s only a matter of time before they go under.


Lost my job at the sewage plant, but it was a crap job anyway.


Quit my job administering nitrous oxide at a colonoscopy centre.

I didn’t even get paid, I was only there for shits and giggles.


Lost my job as a childcare assistant, but I don’t really mind now.


I’m having a break from my job manufacturing poisons.

(here, I will give you a choice of punchlines)


I’m struggling to cope with the toxic work environment


I’ve been told this is career fungicide

(second one’s a bit whacky, a bit Tim Vine)