Just made the most disappointing pasta of all time...

Bought some fresh pasta, got some pricey toasted sesame oil, didn’t overcook it, fancy wok and all that, grated some Finest gruyere in, some chilli flakes, fresh rocket.

Shite. Might as well have bought a 40p packet of Koka noodles. £12, fuck off, what’s the point?

Pasta? Noodles?

Pasta noodles, mate.

You don’t even know what you were making!

Blame Nigel Slater, mate. Absolute bellend.


I just made a disappointing pizza. Dark chocolate, mussels, leftover roast potatoes, whacked it all in a kettle.


Which award-winning chef’s book’s that in?

I did a vegetable carbonara type thing . Didn’t taste of anything.

Home cooking never does, mate.

Except soup - always too salty.

Heston Blumenthal, probably.

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Just made this again for work, used chilli oil instead, no chilli flakes. Probably one of the top three dishes a human-being’s ever made.

Toasted sesame oil’s shit. Nigel’s let me down with that tip.

No foodshaming, please.


Always thought it was better as a late addition (e.g. to a street salad) than as a cooking oil.


None of those things go together except the sesame oil and the chilli. I swear they just come up with recipes without even trying them sometimes.

Have i been given a duff tip by my mate about flash-wok’ing it after cooking it al dente? He’s Italian and did six months working for Tom Kitchin so just sort of assumed he knew what he’s talking about. The videos i watched said just boil it and serve, but i found it didn’t retain heat well and the ingredients were’t well mixed all that.

Flavoured oils are completely pointless innit

Poors the truffle oil down the drain…

Welcome to the resistance, Hoogs

No flavour please, we’re British



Sesame oil is just oil from a sesame mate. It’s not “flavoured”