A poster blue-tacked to the ceiling above the chair for the patient to stare at while having their work done.
Being a sexy Spaniard
The receptionist asking if you’re available at 14:20 on a Tuesday six months from now after the appointment is done
Tapping each of your teeth with a metal pokey thing and then saying a number
Reading an issue of Heat from January 2007
Posters advertising products that you’ve never heard of before and will never hear of again
Wriggling your bum as the chair descends into its lying back mode, trying to keep your ass in the perfect groove in the seat
Making use of Fuji9
Clove flavoured pink rinse.
Putting their hands in your mouth but it’s not sexy
Answering a question while your mouth is full of tools, and wondering why the dentist would try and engage you in regular conversation at this inconvenient point
The tiny sink and plastic cup of mouth wash as you ascend again that you end up using like a St Bernard with saliva all over the place
Telling you how rare it is to see an amalgam filling these days, making you feel old
Fear-induced cold sweat.
Lying about how often you floss
Standing outside a room whilst firing X ray lasers at your head
Having the hard plaque removed and then spending the next 24 hours rubbing the new bigger holes in your teeth with your tongue.
Lying back while the dentist says random numbers to the assistant and having no idea what theyre on about
The in-out in-out hokey cokey x-ray dance.