Last really stupid thing you did

Opened my (metal) garage door into my own face, bending my glasses.


Forgot to put the time back an hour on my alarm clock (it’s actually an old Nokia phone) and, as a consequence, got up this morning at 4.30.


Oh actually no, it wasn’t that, it was reverse parking into a space at B&Q that had a small tree at the back of it, because I couldn’t close my car boot as it got caught on the branches of the tree, then caught the hood of my jacket on said branches while trying to duck under it, all in full view of several other shoppers.


This sounds like a scene from Mr Bean

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A bit, but with less grace.


Bent down to pick something up but headbutted a cabinet instead

Sorry meow, I LOL’ed a little bit…

Sleeping on a pavement in London on a night out


It happens to me more times than I’d like to admit…

Fell asleep in a bandstand in Arbon, Switzerland and when I woke up I forgot to pick up my Kindle and then cycled 35km away from it and now I have just cycled the 35km back to get it and now I must cycled 35km back to continue my journey

This stretch of Bodensee is going to be fucking BORING the third time I cycle it.


Dropped a jam jar pretty much full of jam on the kitchen floor this morning. Still feeling stupid about that one.

Maybe next time you get your kitchen done up you can have the floor made out of bread to avoid this disaster in the future.


Accidentally deflated my front bike tyre.

I was thinking of the rubber that they make those really bouncy balls out of, so you could drop something and it would just bounce back into your hand.

I trusted someone.

thread went dark


Put my wallet in the washing machine 10 minutes before I was due to leave to catch a flight. I had a very quick learning experience on overriding the locking mechanism on a Hotpoint.


I’ve got a protracted history of really stupid accidents.

The most recent one involved me tripping over the dog whilst running, and losing a large chuck of my right elbow.

Before that I fell over whilst carrying (not riding) a bike through the living room. I broke my arm.

Last time I was mountain biking I hit a tree at full pelt and broke a rib.

At school, in woodwork, I stabbed myself in the hand with a craft knife. The teacher had to rush me to hospital to get it stitched up.

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Wore my coat inside out

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Went to put my face wash down in the corner of the shower and head butted one tiled wall which inadvertedly jerked my head to the side and I nutted the other tiled wall.