Old man pub - if there’s a decent old man ale (like Landlord or Old Peculiar or Bombadier or Whitbread Trophy Bitter) then that. If not maybe a bottle of European lager (like Becks or something). If not then a gin and tonic, can’t mess that up can they.
Craft ale pub - A strong IPA
Cocktail bar - Tom Collins (been wanting one of these for a few days now)
Horrific Club - would probably slink off to avoid this but if I was drunk enough for you tohave convinced me, then generic whisky and coke or maybe a cherry vk.