Lies your parents (or other adults) told you when you were a kid that you believed

My mum always told me that toffee was made from a mixture of tea and coffee.

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My dad told me when I was about 8 that Simon and Garfunkel didn’t record together any more because Garfunkel was dead. I believed that until I was 19.

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This is a good one, just believable enough for the lie to last well into adulthood I’d imagine

tbh I didn’t drink coffee until a couple of years back, so yep

:D/D:

To stop me doing little things that were of minor, but negative, significance my Dad would tell me something disproportionately dreadful would happen.

Mainly done to amuse himself, but it’s made me a pretty fearful adult as a consequence.

Don’t eat sweets out of machines because you will get polio.

Don’t swallow chewing gum or it will wrap around your insides and screw you up.

If a rash spreads above your eyes you will die.

You need to go to university so you can get a good job

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This isn’t the “lies Tony Blair told your parents” thread!

why not

Sorry, it can be if you want.

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Definitely weapons of mass destruction hidden in Iraq

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Basically this:

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a builder out the front of my house told me i was going to die because i swallowed a piece of cellotape. proper shit me up at the time, the fuckin horrible cunt.

My Dad’s pretty old, like 82, so he has black and white photos of him doing national service when he was a young lad. When I was a nipper he used to tell me that he fought in World War II and that one time he was up a tree when two Nazis walked underneath him, so he shot them both in the head killing them. I told anyone who’d listen at primary school that my dad killed two Nazis. Was only years later when I gave it a bit of thought that I realised he was 5 years old at the outbreak of World War II.

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my parents didn’t go in for this sort of thing very much, but my mum told us that she was 21 and that mums are 21 every year. i didn’t believe her but my brother did and mentioned it to teachers at school (it might have been her birthday or something). this would have been when she was in her mid-40s

My aunt told me there were little bunnies inside peanuts and for a few years I thought there really were rabbits trapped inside nuts

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Being really clever is the secret to success and, ultimately, happiness.

NSFW

I had to give up my favourite lie to my daughter last year and confess when she turned 6 as it was getting out of hand. I had told her when she was younger that a big 5" scar I have on my leg was from when a shark attacked me whilst swimming on holiday and I had to punch it to make it release my leg. In actual fact it’s from when I got off my mash at a party in our garden and ran into a metal chair because I’m a massive nob. I only confessed the truth to her as she was starting to tell her friends at school about it and I didn’t want to be known as Shark Man by the other parents, and to have to hold court with tales of my shark punching heroics at the school gates every morning.

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