it’s because they’ve been viewing hardcore pornography since they were about 11 and don’t even consider the televised stuff to be sex.
sorry.
5 Likes
Farting in a soundproofed meeting room while on a phonecall, and then a load of people knock on the door because they have it booked for this timeslot.
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- Hold your finger up in that “one minute” gesture while breathing heavily to the point where you become lightheaded and the person you’re on the phone with gets a bit weirded out.
- Open the door and let them in, not your problem.
- Let them in and apologise for the smell.
- Let them in and make a proud comment about the smell
0 voters
1 Like
Your in-laws take you to Harvester and one by one almost everyone at the table orders the ‘spit roast’
- Oh god stop saying it
- I am mature and this is just a chicken dish.
0 voters
also swanning into a gig, drink in hand, only to realise the support band is on and only 3 people are watching and everyones seen you come in and you just want to turn around and hightail it back to the bar/ smoking area
4 Likes
as a kid, let’s say aged 11, or 12 - going round someone’s house for the first time, and their room is plastered with posters of naked women
-
- fine
0 voters
This happened to my current partner and I on our second date and it was an elderly Elvis impersonator…
Elderly in-law uses a slur, no-one challenges them
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- Actually, that’s not an acceptable thing to say. Owen Jones did a really good column on this where he said…
0 voters
I went to the docs once because I thought I’d found a lump in my scrotal region. He got on his knees in front of me and palpated for several minutes, before announcing in a slightly irritated voice that he couldn’t find anything. Like I’d gone in to get him to feel my bollocks for fun.
I helped him find it and he said it was just a sebaceous cyst.
4 Likes
No need to apologise, that’s a given
1 Like
“APRIL FOOLS!”
4 Likes
Why are you breathing heavily here? Trying to inhale all the fart?
4 Likes
accidentally ‘liking’ an ex on dating websites
-
- fine
0 voters
Mostly quiet pub except for one bloke getting very annoyed at his football team on the telly
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- Fine
- I am that bloke
0 voters
Getting heavy with someone and they’re starting to maneover as though they’re about to go down on you, but you’re acutely aware that you aren’t in the freshest state at that time.
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- Let them at it, they can decide whether it’s too much or not
- Try to subtlely hold them in a way that stops them from going too low but without killing the mood
- Make some comment along the lines of “good luck! Rather you than me” and then laugh like Brian Blessed
0 voters
Had this once where it was an arsenal fan and he kept calling Gervinho ‘a fucking onion’. That was good
Yeah, I’m not suggesting that the situation secretly turns me on and I’m getting all out of breath with a raging erection.
Showing someone a youtube video that you find really funny, but, evidently, they don’t:
-
- fine
0 voters
Seems more likely than inhaling a room full of fart tbh
1 Like
Love this stuff!
1 Like