Literary forays as a child

Hello. Inspired by some early writing I found that my mum had kept from when I were a wee nipper, I’d like to encourage you to share yours. Apparently I wrote this in 2001, aged 13ish. With apologies to Wordsworth.

I wandered lonely as a sheep, that trots aimlessly over Vales and Hills
when all at once I saw a crowd of farmers standing beside a decomposed Kill
beside the Farmhouse beneath the trees
That wafts the smell on to the Breeze
continuous as the stars that shine
but not so pleasant it may seem
the piles are stretched in a never-ending line
as one by one carcasses drop into the Stream
10000 saw I when once I looked
tossed by their heads into the brook
the flowers beside them danced,
outdid the sparkling flowers in stench
A poet could not but be dazed
to sit beside them on a bench
I gazed and gazed with much distaste
what wealth was shown that turned to waste
for oft when on my couch I lie
in happy or in gleeful mood
they flash upon that inward eye
which could never compare to Solitude
and then my heart with sickness fills
as I see more dragged up the hills

Gonna say I reckon someone should have served an intervention at that point.

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Just had a WhatsApp from Joanna newsom - lshe’s just seen this and immediately retired, said theres no way she can compete

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Foot and mouth was clearly on my mind in 2001.

Apologies for the insta screenshot but I dont know how to save pics from there. Apparently I once made this guy

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28 i was

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Remember in primary school it was all about quantity rather than quality when creative writing.

I was a little swot and wrote a story about going to the zoo that must’ve been about 4000 words, but all of them were:

“I went to the zoo and I saw the lions and I saw the tigers and I saw the hippo and I saw the crocodile and I saw the monkey and I saw the gorilla and I saw the snake and I saw the parrot and I saw the camel and I saw……[contd]
…… and I saw the fish and I saw the penguin and I saw the elephant

And then I went home”

I’m basically James Joyce

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This is from year 3 so 1995/96. Wish I have a photo of the back, its got a bio saying that I’m 7 years old and my favourite food is chicken nuggets. Loving the Windows 1995 paint smiley face fill tool job. Not loving that spelling though lol

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I always loved creative writing at school. My work was normally always loosely based on whatever I was obsessed with at that time - so one was rambling on about pirates, one (in fact many) were iterations of the same detective story where iirc it was just like random twists and first person narration

I still feel a hint of pride at how much praise I got from my year 9 English teacher for a story I wrote in the first lesson. The prompt was “you are in prison for a crime you didn’t commit” and I wrote this stream-of-consciousness thing about not being sure if a stain on the wall was piss, and wondering which episode of the Simpsons I was missing on BBC2 that evening

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i was walking down the street just the other day,

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and which episode was it?

I used to write ‘books’ for my family and read stories I’d written to my class at school up until I was 8-9.

I wish I could discipline myself to write creatively again.

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Lots of good stuff in here :slight_smile:

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Ripped off the horse whisperer for one of my stories in English. The teacher even wrote “this is a bit like the horse whisperer” :thinking:

Also really loved the stories you’d get in the sleeves of belle and Sebastian cds and would try and write things a bit like that. Cringe (I’m cringing at how terrible my stories probably were, not at b&s) :blush:

When I wasn’t ripping off someone else I really enjoyed writing stories, I often think about giving it another go, just for me and relaxation purposes though, not because I think they’d be any good.

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I love stuff like this - my friend had a student submit the lyrics to ‘One by One’ by Foo Fighters as a piece of A-level coursework and I had a student this year who submitted a re-worked version of the opening scene of The Godfather this year. My feedback started: ‘I have also seen ‘The Godfather’ and read Mario Puzo’s novel.’

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Wonderful. How did I miss this the first time.

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I remember my big childhood project (and I’m sad that they’re lost because the author is now better than the original author as a human being) was this Harry Potter parody series I was doing to make my sibling laugh. They were about his cousin, Dudley Dursley having parallel experiences to HP.

In retrospect it was sort of a parody of a parody because I would do that thing of deliberately putting zero effort around changing names and then make their personality entirely based around what I’d come up with (so Ron became Bomb, named such because he came from a family of hardened terrorists). Most of the jokes were ridiculous, I think one running thing was that almost every single character would introduce themselves to Dudley with a business card that said:

Need a friend? Need an enemy?
(Name)

And I think instead of Dementors having magic depresso powers, they just repeatedly tried to inoculate you against polio?

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Yep. I tried this and got pulled up for it at primary school also.

:grinning:

Wrote novelisations of Sonic 2 and Street Fighter II. Stickers were also involved.

No copies have survived sadly.

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My first published piece, aged six

Things took a darker turn when I turned 10…

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