Made any (non-serious) enemies recently?

Talk about any enemies you’ve made recently that are lightweight/frothy/fun as opposed to serious and potentially upsetting.

Got into a pretty series enmity with a mosquito the other night.

It’s dead now.

What happened to it?

Flew into epimers gas forcefield

Freak accident involving a slipper and a wall. No witnesses.

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You should have wiped it up your arse

I was talking about human enemies anyway

You should be more precise.

Woman on the train back to London from Edinburgh on Monday took the last pastry from the food cart (I was in a rush for the train and had no breakfast).

She’s dead now.


Got a lot of people tryna drain me of my energy

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Do you have dragon energy?

Big dick energy


Sometimes they have crisps or mars bars or things like that available on the train

They’re not a breakfast, friend.

What did you have for breakfast today?

Cereal, fruit and nut since you asked.

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I had granola dust and muesli

Granola, is it?

Nah, the dust from where granola used to be in the granola tub and I mixed it with muesli (which is also basically just dust anyway)

The new site manager here. Fucking prick. Same grade as me but in charge of the site and always complaining about our parking etc Bursts into our office saying ‘I don’t know any of your names but could whoever owns…’