Afternoon lads, blokes, mates, gents, chaps, cockers, king tippers, GBOLs. I’ve just made myself beans on toast, and found our butter has been replaced by some cheap knockoff shit in our most recent Ocado order. Tastes like shite. Beans on toast is a proper good lunch though, had a bloody mary for breakfast cos why not? I’m stuck in waiting for a plumber, who may arrive anytime between 12-4 pm today. I want to go out at half 1 so of course the twat hasn’t turned up yet. I’d be a Real Man and fix it myself but alas I’m a clueless poofter who is limited to lightbulb changing. WHICH GOT ME THINKING about that time that a Premier League footballer blew the bulb in his kitchen strip lights, then bought the wrong replacement one from B&Q at the weekend and got it right in the neck from his missus cos he had to go back and swap it and the work experience lad on the till got all confused with refunds, what a palava! But I don’t need to tell you all about that cos you already know who it wasn’t don’t you!